Who chooses to forget
A parcel sat on the doorstep. Alice almost stepped on it, but caught herself in time, snatching back her foot and leaning heavily into the doorframe. The parcel was quite small, about the size of a child’s shoebox, and was wrapped in brown paper. She glanced briefly up and down the street and then lifted it up, turning it over to find the address. Nothing on it except her name in scribbly biro: A. Randall. Alice peered at the writing, but didn’t recognise it.
"Strange," she thought, and tried to ignore the small prickle of fear that stabbed suddenly in her chest. "It’s nothing, "she told herself. "Probably some silly marketing gimmick – wanting me to buy new insurance or something."
Alice carried the nothing back inside the house, even though she was now definitely late. She laid it - still nothing - on the table. Her hand shook a little as she tore the paper, and she wanted to smile at how silly she was being but couldn’t quite.
Inside the paper was a plain white box.
Alice had to sit down. She couldn’t bring herself to open it yet, although she knew she would have to. She sat and stared at the box while the tap dripped and the kitchen clock ticked and her heart beat out of time with them both.
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THE GOODS
You're currently reading the story
Who chooses to forget, which was
was posted on April 22, 2008 by
seldom.
This story is filed under:
Mystery
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Look forward to reading your next chapters. I'm in the middle of moving house at the moment, so I won't be adding anything for the next week!"
:D involved in the storyline. So am I.
phew
- wipes fevered brow, reinserts monocle."
It's soo hot I agree, boiling!! No need to rush the next chapter, I won't add anymore, I need a break, and am looking forward to reading more from you :-)
Hope you weren't offended when I said I wouldn't have brought the man in so early. It was only because you asked my opinion, and have become waaay too involved in the storyline lol. Hence needing a break.
SS"
Am feeling sorrier and sorrier for poor ol Alice. She seriously needs a break :0 Will have to have a think how to follow this - maybe I need a break too - have not been sleeping so am shattered. The heat is intense!
Same as this story lol
Like it!
And also clever - the way you brought in the ref to the puppet thing.
Give me a day or two.
:D"
Let me know if you don't like it!!"
It's a bummer that you can't copy and paste.
Not too overdone no, I can see Carol in my mind's eye, you've painted her well! :-)"
Do you think I introduced him too soon? We still haven't seen him tho."
"So then, why don't you just write in the same style as a best-selling author"!!! HAHAHA. How hilarious.
Tit-bits rub-off, but that's about it! No author has the same style, nor can they copy another writer's style. It's just not possible, I told my friend. It's an interesting idea to 'adapt' to another writer's style on here for instance, for fun; but Jackie Collins is never going to write like P.D James, is she! ;)
I'm with you on the mood thing, I wrote the Josh chapter when I was in particularly dark mood ;)"
I need to edit my branches 100% before posting; but that's just me all over, I'm impulsive and impatient :)"
About the different styles. I'm just easily influenced by whatever I happen to be reading at the time - sighs. I can almost tell what I was reading when I wrote something, even if it was ages ago.
:)"
'The woman's eyes were dark and ambigious eyes'
... this sentence wanted the last word scrapping!! :-)"
I'm looking forward to reading your next chapter (or two lol)
:-)"
You have this way of depicting heightened emotion which I think is great :)"
My desk is held together with tape.
Ok - we'll remain immature ;)"
P.S, it's ocurred to me what you're profile pic reminds me of!... From a thumb-nail view, it looks a bit like the puppet from the movie 'The Saw' lol :))"
maybe we need to ask Nick if he'll change it to mature :0
good stuff, can't wait to see the rest"
Wonder if they're planning something like that here.
Still a relatively new site so I think they're continually tinkering with it.
Want to see your new chapter (hint hint);)"
Want to do the next bit SS? please do. would be cool :)"
Looking back on it I've winced at a couple of things I wrote. Particularly the teddy bear with the get well soon tag around it's neck :) Just didn't sound right. I usually come back to what I've written a day later, refreshed, and then edit it. It's a different ball-game here. Unless you write it in Word before hand, and don't rush yourself.
Sorry I didn't initially pick up on the paranoia, my sister had popped around and I was having to read over a busy discussion. Yep, I like it!! it's carried on the theme nicely :)
I'll await your response to see what you want to do with it, as you've said you're giving it a once-over. Most importantly it's what you think that counts!! You're worried it doesn't fit right? But I could say the same with my branches! ;)"
If you want to carry on adding stuff SS, I can delete this if you don't think it fits? and write another. what say?"
didn't forget, both can happen at once - frosty relations with neighbours as well as a past. Maybe am steering it to a darker place than you were going? not sure. Was trying to depict paranoia - maybe she thinks her friends could have been contacted by someone in her past - ref the 'puppet' - someone who recruits others? but it's the photo of her house that makes her think of that house and that time. Maybe the next part could be some contact with a friend calling round and her being all suspicious? watching them for clues etc. What do you think?
Anyway, if you would like to add - which I would love if you did :)
the ball would be in your court to take it where you like.
wasn't sure about it generally - was trying to use the devices you brought in and used so effectively - the voice and so on - the ticks and wasn't sure I did so good at it lol."
Perhaps recently something has happened to remind Alice of the past, of the house, and that's why she was on edge when the box arrived on her door step? Maybe because of this incident (reminder), Alice hasn't been herself and this has been reflected in some way by her getting on the wrong side of her neighbours?
You say you're not sure about the chapter, why is this?"
I used to try an odd thing walking along a street. I'd imagine myself much further up it, visualise the entire thing, the passers-by, everything. And then when i finally got to there I'd have a weird deja-vous - that the people who were passing me where the ones I'd imagined.
Possible madness brought on by frustration brought on by the unreasonably long long long streets we have in abundance near where I live ;-)"
It needs a different ending - more added - so it becomes clearer.
I suppose I think we need to see what's real.
Only when youre talking about perception and reality and subjectivity - how do you show it? because anything can be the truth and anything a lie, it's what you choose to see whether you know it or not. kind of like the Lucid Dream stuff DrPinch is writing."
We have the house now - so the house becomes the new box (what's in The House?), which I like!
But I still would have preferred the lid left on a little longer."
surprise you hmmm - will give it a try.
Nicetameetcha Danni :)"
I'm Danni!! lol"
the plot thickens to the consistency of tomato soup. ;-)"
:-)"
How did you manage to post 4 comments like that btw?
feeling a bit sorry for Alice lol poor woman, whats she done to deserve all this? guess we'll find out soon"