A collection of chapters of personal events in a teenagers life. Involving the tragedies and life changing aspects that dont occur in the everyday life.
Many of my childhood memories consist of pain, sadness and tears. Don’t get me wrong, there were many blissful memories, but for the first 15 years of my life, things could have been a little more contented.
When I was just 4 years old, my father passed away. Suicide they said. Even now, at fifteen years old, the very thought of my own father committing suicide sends shivers down my spine. I asked countless times as to why they thought my father would choose to depart this life and leave his daughter behind, nobody would answer me though, “it’s just one of those things, darling” they’d say. For years I had convinced myself that my father’s death was my fault, caused by none other than my childish acts, but I finally realised that death is nobody’s fault, except of course, in the case of murder. As a 4 year old child, I wasn’t capable of murder.
My mother would sit me on her lap whenever she found me gazing at my father’s photograph. She would tell me about him. The way his smile melted her heart and his eyes glistened.
As I grew up and started joining my friends and their families for evening tea, my own heart began to ache when I saw my friends fathers lift them up or call them “princess” I yearned for a loving man in my life, to protect me from the world, I wanted what my friends had, and jealously blazed inside of me. I had lost the one thing that every little girl needed in her life, I needed the loving care-free father that I had spent just four short years with, before he took himself away from me.