I think that was the second time I cried when I had hugged him. Both times, they were when things weren’t so hot. But, it was the first time I ever saw him cry. I looked at him straight in the eye and I had been pouring salt water all over his shoulder a second ago, probably a whole ocean by the time the conversation was over, like I bet I could name the stupid thing, and then I looked at him and he turned his face toward me and in his eye a big fat one brimmed over and rolled down his cheek. I reached over and brushed it off his face and no joke I said:
And I smiled. I didn’t smile because I was happy, don’t think that, I smiled cos’ I wanted to comfort him, because you always want to do that to someone you love, comfort them I mean. And he said he was crying because he had hurt me, but I think, really he had hurt me so many times before, so many times, that I haven’t even mentioned, cos’ there’s no point, they would just bring the story right back to the beginning again, so I wasn’t even crying cos’ I was hurting, I was crying because I was sad that we were walking away from what could be. It wasn’t the past memories that made me sad; it was the ones in the future we never made. But I also asked, right before the tear thing:
Can you tell me why?
And I tried hard not to let my voice crack, cos’ that’s a sign that you’re feeling so weak and I didn’t want his subconscious to think I was, but you know what? It happened, I cracked and I felt really dumb. Then I remember this clear as day, cos’ I think he was trying to do the same and not seem like he was weak either. So he cleared his throat and said:
Well, we’re too different.
Except I think maybe he didn’t look hard enough to find similarities, cos’ I can name five right off the top of my head.
1. We both hate tomatoes.
2. Fettuccini Alfredo and Rootbeer is one of the best meals on earth.
3. We like each other’s smiles.
4. We both liked to wrestle.
5. Towel whipping was probably the best game on earth invented, ever.
I think if he looked hard he could find some somehow, but I think he never cared enough to anyway. Cos’ like I said, love is a lie and I don’t even know why I chose to believe it. After he said that though. He said he still wanted to be my friend, and let me tell you something, don’t ever say that to someone if you don’t mean it. Especially if they are a musician, cos’ they’ll
write a song about you. Plus it’s really rather misleading. I seriously thought we were gunna be friends too, cos’ we hung out for a good hour afterwards just really close to that well. And then he left me, so I went home.