When is it ok to steal?

"Hey man what the hell are you doing," the cashier yelled at a man he assumed was kneeling down in one of he aisles of his 7-Eleven, trying to stuff some of his goods into his waistband.

"What me?" said the man, not standing up, but wheeling out from the aisle, showing that while the cashier may have been wrong in assuming he was kneeling down, he was not incorrect in thinking the man was stuffing something into his waistband.

"Uh, yeah I guess you, what's that you've got there in your waistband?" he asked, pointing to a stream of red wrappers that poked out the edges of the mans underpants.

"What these? They're condoms," he said and then pulled the long string of profalactics out for the cashier to see.

"Were you going to pay for those?"

"I wasn't really planning on that no."

"What? You are telling me that I caught you stealing and you're still not planning on paying for them."

"That's right, I'm in a wheelchair."

"I can see that. I'd still like you to pay for things from the store though. We have an access ramp so it's not like it would be a revenge thing. They're not that expensive."

"I know but I'm disadvantaged in this thing. For all you know, my dong doesn't even work."

"Does your dong work?"

"Yeah, of course it does, why would I be stealing condoms if my dong didn't work?"

"I don't know, to make balloons?"

"No. They're to make love to me sweet ladies. I don't want to start spreading the seed yet though."

"That's responsible."

"Clearly. So are you going to give me a deal?"

"On what?"

"The condoms man, let me roll on outta here and go please the ladies. Safely. Otherwise who knows how many babies I gonna be having. And if I'm willing to steal imagine how bad a father I'll be."

"Look man, you're a straight shooter and I like that. Are you a little low on cash or something? Bills costing a little more than you thought they would? I can help you out by buying you some condoms if you want."

"No man! Are you hitting on me. I don't want you buying me condoms, you can't take away my manliness man."

"Ok, ok, I was trying to help you out."

"Just 'cause I'm in a wheelchair doesn't mean I need your help."

By this point, a long line had formed at the cash, and being the only cashier on duty at this typically quiet and event free time, the cashier was anxious to get back to doing his job.

"Ok, look. Buy the condoms,put the condoms away, or let me call the police. Which of those do you want?"

"I steal the condoms, you call the police and tell them an able bodied dude took 'em. I know you wouldn't play a guy in a wheelchair like that."

"You wouldn't put a responsible young man in a wheelchair in jail, would you?" asked an elderly woman waiting to buy her own condoms.

"Oh come on," said he cashier exasperatedly.

"He's just trying yo be responsible. And that must be tough with all life has thrown at him," said yet another customer, carrying a loaf of bread and some eggs.

"You see man," said the man in the wheelchair. "Society is right now telling yo to give me the condoms. Now I'm not even stealing, I'm accepting a gift."

"No, you're still stealing," said the elderly woman. "But I think in this case it's ok. If a man steals bread to feed his family should we not understand?"

"He's not stealing bread, he's stealing condoms!" screamed the cashier. "Forget it, I don't care. I quit. all of you get free condoms today. Steal all you want you perverts."

"We're just being responsible," the man with the bread shouted at the cashier as he left the store.

"Whatever!" yelled the cashier from the parking lot.

And the customers left their money on the counter for their products, and took some condoms just in case their partners were up for it.

The End

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