She could see him on the far side of the field. He was digging. She loved his enthusiasm for his work. It was so mundane, farming. But he liked it. She remembered how his muscles had rippled the first day she had met him. She had run her fingers down his spine. It wasn’t a serious injury and he’d recovered quickly but it had brought them together.
The gate was open so she slipped through. She didn’t want to walk over. Not yet. She stood there and watched him for a few minutes but finally he noticed that she was there. He stood up slowly, straightening out his spine. He turned to face her. There was a long silence. All she could hear was the swishing of the grass in a nearby field. Finally he spoke.
She stood there for a little longer. She had planned out in her mind how this was going to work. They would run and great each other, he would pull her into his embrace. Then she would tell him it was over, finished. He would except and understand and then she would leave. But things never played out how you wanted them to.
“I wanted to see you.” She spoke loudly so that her voice would carry across the field. Slowly she began to walk forwards towards him. He turned back to his work and she quickened her pace. He turned his head so that she would be able to hear him.
“Why? Coming back to me?”
She wasn’t sure if he was joking or not so she didn’t reply at first. A short laugh finally escaped her lips.
“No.” She realised that she sounded a little harsh but she didn’t have time to correct herself before he turned back to her. She was closer now; almost within touching distance.
“What?” There was a slight harshness in his voice but his face revealed no emotion. She took a final step towards him, keeping eye contact. A look of confusion passed over his face.
“What?” He asked again with more earnest. She refused to reply.
“I don’t want to see you anymore Louise.” He started to turn. She reached out quickly and grabbed his arm, turning him back to face her.
“No.” Her voice was pleading with him. Wasn’t this what she wanted? She thought. A quick break. Even if he yelled at her it would have been fine. But now she was the one who didn’t want it to end. Why did I come here? She asked herself.
She had been walking out of the town, back home, when her feet had turned and lead her down the small country lane. She could still see the town on her left and she knew where she was heading.
Her lips were dry so she ran her tongue along her bottom lip, wetting it. Then she rubbed her lips together. All this time they kept eye contact. She could see in his crystal clear blue eyes the events of the past months; the day they met, the meals they had, the cinema, his proposal to move into a flat together, the nights they spent together. His passion. His love. The kids.
“Stay with me tonight.” She took a sharp intake of air and at the same time her head dropped. This definitely wasn’t what she wanted. But everything in her body wanted her to say yes. Yes, she wanted to stay with him tonight, she wanted to stay with him forever. She shook her head.
“No.” She couldn’t. She had chosen her path. She had to end this. She began to turn. Christian’s arm flashed out, turning her into him. He placed his hand lightly on her chin and lent down. It didn’t feel right. He seemed to have lost his passion. She reached up and placed her arms around his neck, pulling him further down towards her. He responded and wrapped his arms around her back. That was more like it. The passion had returned and she could feel her blood racing through her veins, her heart beat sped up. They broke for a breath and then he lent down again. But that small voice was inside her head again. The kids. Her arms dropped and she pushed away, turned and walked quickly away. She heard him whisper and she stopped in the middle of the field.
“Please.” She turned her head but didn’t look at him. “Go away!”
That was what she wanted. The edges of her lips turned up. A clean break. Quick. Painless. But as she ran back to the gate a single tear ran down her cheek.