Suze Wong, Olympian

It's beyond inane that I have to sit here telling all you dense adults (actually dense is too nice a word, but I'm looking for one in English that you will understand) who already sense that I'm more than just a precocious child, what I want to be when I grow up. I'm already what I want to be. I keep telling you.


Yes, I know. How can an American girl of Chinese descent possibly be an Olympian. BLAH BLAH BLAH. Look, feta-heads. We're gods. We don't need to give you reasons for the stupid junk we do. Oh sure, right, there's no Susie Wong in the pantheon. GIVE ME A FRAKKIN' BREAK. That's probably because Zeus played a little trick on his sister when she wasn't looking, out of sheer boredom, and now here I am, having lost much of my power, pretending to be a cute brainy prodigy for your amusement.

                                                 please avoid the cursing
I can't turn you into goat-droppings or make Mrs. Donaldson the staid old grump play with Mr. Jackson, even though she's always thinking about @@@@@@ with him and the 3 stars of the basketball team. Trust me, a goddess knows these things, dear.

I also know Johnny isn't going to be a painter, Rick is not going to grow up to be the captain of a Lego Pirate Ship, and that Max who always sits in the corner isn't going to grow up to be Dark Angel, despite the name similarity and a fervent desire to ride Ducati knock-offs and wear tight black outfits that accentuate what will become her absolutely non-Jessica-Alba-like figure.

Oh sister, nobody from her family is ever going to be able to afford an actual Ducati like that.

I can't believe i've even bothered to write this much on this piece of parchment for you snivelling AS@@@@@@@ MONKEYS but I don't know what else to do. This time Zeus has just gone too far. I'd tell you what I'm going to do to him when I get my powers back in full, but you'd just put a giant X through this whole paper.

I'm sure you also don't want to hear that you put your undies on inside out this morning because you were too tired from doing that old ab workout tape you have at home from 1980-something. You know, that one with Olivia Newton John. She did play a muse in that silly roller skating movie, but that is the closest she will ever get to becoming a goddess, and also has no power to help you drop pounds. I suggest Cross-Fit or kettlebells.


Apollo, Demeter, Hermes.... anyone, somebody PLEASE GET ME OUT OF HERE sigh


The End

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