Cal Witherspoon, unemployed

My name is Cal Witherspoon, of the Witherspoon generaschun generation, and I am proud to be in the third grade. When I grow up, I want to be unemployed.

To be unemployed takes more skillage skills than a scientist homeboy wearing one of those shiny badges that lets you break down people's doors on Cops. You must be strong enough to resist the timptaschun temptation of selling Twinkies at Walmart. I know it's very hard not to sell Twinkies. If I wasn't going to be unemployed, I would've grown up to sell them.

 Also, you have to believe that it is the best job ever. And it is. Ever. There is nobody telling you what to do all the time, and you don't have to stare at a compooter computer screen for hours. You can if you want to while you're unemployed, you can do anything. Even surf the Web. I heard that that kinda thing is pretty cool.

The Internet told me that 50% of people in town are unemployed and enjoy it. I asked people what their jobs was were and 78% said that they were unemployed.

When I'm unemployed, I will finally have time to plan world dawminnaschun domination and control. Everybody will respect me as the world dominationator. I will be like Terminator. I think people liked him. He was probably unemployed.

You will bow down to me and my dominationess.

C-

Mr. Witherspoon, you made several grammatical errors, and last time I checked the dictionary, "dominationator" and "dominationess" were not words. By dominationator, I think you mean "dictator." A "dictator" is not something you want to be. Scientists, I believe, work in laboratories. Police officers, however, are the  ones that wear the badges.

You clearly did not research your career satisfactorily, and being unemployed is not a career choice; it's a lack of intellect. Your percentages make absolutely no sense whatsoever. The Internet cannot tell you that fifty percent of the town members are unemployed, then the seventy-eight percent that you asked were unemployed. There is no logic.

I must speak to your parents during the next conference. They need to know that you are not understanding what we have been teaching, and that you obviously have not been paying any attention to the directions.

Sincerely,

Mr. Cod

Being unemployed is a career choice. Being a teacher is a lack of intellect.

With love,

Cal Witherspoon

The End

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