The Mortal World

One day, Oceanus goes missing from Mount Olympus. When Zeus sends Poseidon looking for him because they have something in common, Poseidon doesn't like it one bit. But when he loses his godly powers, having to go down to the mortal world doesn't seem nearly as bad.

Mortals and their modern creations. Ah, it just wasn't like the old days of Rome and Greece, with the carvings and statues. Modern mortals had no respect for the gods. And what happened to the days of having the mortals do your errands? Life wasn't nearly as fun, mortals were so much more annoying now. Ah, stupid mortals.

Poseidon shook his head and stood up. Idiot mortals. Why the hell had he came down here? Oh, yeah, to go talk to Oceanus. Zeus had thought since he and Oceanus had something in common, Poseidon would be the best to go talk to him.

"Ah, Zeus, ya lazy bastard," Poseidon said.

The sky rumbled.

"Ah, shut up," Poseidon said. Getting stuck on the mortal world always made him grumpy.
 He started down the stairs of the skyscraper. If only Zeus would let him use his powers down here on the mortal world. But no, big brother Zeus always insisted on keeping everything peaceful down here. Now he had to walk all the way back down again. Back in the old days they didn't worry about any "peace on Earth." Most of the other gods didn't like it either, especially Hades, he was still pissed about them calling his planet a dwarf planet. That was a perfect example of how little the mortals respected them nowadays. Oh well, not many people cared about Hades. Poseidon thought his little brother had been given a rough deal, caretaker of the underworld, but oh well. Hell, Poseidon'd rather be down in the underworld with Hades rather than here on the mortal world looking for some other god that he just happened to be old buddies with, but that didn't mean he wanted to have to go to the mortal world just to check up on him.

Poseidon reached the end of the skyscraper and walked out onto the street. Clustered, as always. Mortals liked to cluster together for some reason. Suddenly he felt a hand on his wrist. He looked down to see a small mortal girl holding his wrist and smiling up at him.

"Would you like me to walk across the street with you, sir?" asked the girl-scout, who had judged by the ancient god's long, white beard that he was an old man.

"Unhand me mortal, or feel the wrath of the sea!" Poseidon shouted at the little girl.

The girls smile dropped. "Fine, you grumpy ol' fart!" she said, and ran off.

Poseidon's eyes widened and he swung his arm into the air, ready to summon his trident and smite the little brat. The sky rumbled again and started to rain. Poseidon summoned his trident anyway and blasted the little girl. He cackled as he watched her flying. Ah, that felt good, he thought as he walked off through the stunned and screaming mortals.

"Taxi!" he yelled.

"Ah, I don't know, I just needed to take a break from Olympus," Oceanus said.

"And go here? Here, on this blasted place, of all of the places you could go? Gods, you know you're always welcome on my planet if you need it. I never use the place," Poseidon said.

"No. Besides, I mean, I needed to check on the ocean anyway. The mortals have been dirtying it up lately," Oceanus said.

"No, you're not down here for that. The mortals always dirty up the water, they've been doing it forever," Poseidon said.

"I don't know. I mean, what's wrong with a god going down to the mortal world?" Oceanus asked.

"The mortal world is annoying, that's why. Nobody likes it down on the mortal world. No, not even just dislikes it, everybody hates the mortal world," Poseidon said.

"That's correct, but we do own it, don't we? Need to keep take care of it. You take care of your trident, don't you?" Oceanus asked.

Poseidon did. He never let anyone else near it, he cleaned it all the time whenever it dirtied, he kept it in great condition.

"Oh, come on. My trident is different. Earth is an old failed project and you know it. If I was in charge I'd destroy the thing," Poseidon said.

"If anything, isn't Earth a good place to vacation? It is beautiful," Oceanus said.

"But filled with pests. Now tell me the real reason you're here," Poseidon said.

Oceanus looked around, then whispered, "You think Zeus is watching?"

"Of course he's watching," Poseidon said.

Oceanus leaned towards Poseidon and said into his ear, "I'm here to drain Loch Ness. I'm tired of the mortals suggesting that I would let monsters infest my water."

"Isn't that my job? I mean, after all, I'm the god of the sea, it's a lake, it's more similar to the sea than an ocean," Poseidon said, Oceanus leaning back.

"Aw, hell, Poseidon, that doesn't matter and you know it. The sea requires two rulers, places don't matter," Oceanus said.

"Yeah, I know, I don't care, but your name is 'ocean-us'," Poseidon said.

Oceanus shrugged. "Anyway, is that enough information for you, your honor?" Oceanus asked.

"Fine, I'll leave you alone," Poseidon said, standing up from the couch he had been sitting on in Oceanus's newly acquired apartment.

"What'll you tell Zeus?" Oceanus asked.

"I'll tell him you're on vacation," Poseidon said. Oceanus nodded. "I'll see you later, Oceanus," he said. "See ya," Oceanus said, and Poseidon left.

Poseidon sighed as he exited the building. Well, that had been a waste of time, he thought. Poseidon chuckled as he left the building. Might as well scare a few mortals. He called the sea, ready to view dozens of mortals washed away before him. Wait a second. Nothing was happening. Poseidon looked off into the direction his hands was facing, trying to pull the sea forth. He tried to call his trident. Nothing happened then either.

Aw crap.

The End

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