School is over.
Nothing happened. Just the same old boring classes. Same amount of sleep. Same chicken for lunch. Same meaningless tests. The average run of the mill day.
And I had hopes for something exciting. I don't really know what exactly that would be, being as everything I see always happens, but I've never had this feeling in my stomach before.
I am at my locker now, putting books into my backpack for tonight, and I decide to take a quick peek into the rest of my day.
I ride the bus.
I make a sandwich at home.
I ask my mother about the feeling.
She tells me that I shouldn't listen to my gut since I know what'll happen anyway.
I read more of my book.
I cry a little bit.
I do my homework and I sleep.
Of course that's my day. Excluding the bit about my mother, that is the normal after school activity, and going to be the norm for the next 5 years.
I'd commit suicide If it were really up to me, but since I don't see me even trying it, I won't even toy with the thought. No sense in making myself anymore depressed than I am. I get my coat on, throw the backpack over my shoulder and make for the exit.
Honestly, I try not to think about how futile my life is. Zero surprise, zero joy, no exciting experiences. God must really hate me, because I just don't see myself as anything but sad. The best things I get are from physical pleasure (emotional pleasure doesn't exist for me).
My bus is at the front of the line today, through the grand sea of kids outside the building. There's always a bunch of boys playing 4 square with a kick ball next to the buses. One of these days they are going to lose it into the street or hit someone.
"Rachel!" My social studies teacher had followed me out of the building. He's holding my purse in his one hand and trying to get my attention with the other. I trot over to him, thank him with a weak smile and some fake surprise, and make my way over to the buses.
"Rachel!" It's the Dean this time. "I just wanted to congratulate you for winning the Gold Key for Scholastics." What?
"I'm sorry?" I replied. I don't remember this conversation happening.
"Didn't you hear on the announcments this morning?" The one's I wasn't listening to?
"No actually, I sort of dozed off in homeroom."
"Oh alright, well stop by tomorrow to pick up your key. The buses are leaving, you'd best hurry up."
"Thank you!" Perhaps what is more frightening than knowing what the future has in store for you, is something you didn't see. I'll be honest, I'm really worried now. My mind is racing. So many thoughts. What does this mean? I have to close my eyes and see what has changed because of this.
My eyes open just in time to see a great red orb rushing towards my face. It cracks me on the nose, forcing me to stagger backwards and off the sidewalk into the street. My eyes are tearing up, my nose feels broken, and I hear a very loud noise.