My name is Rufus, and I am a very handsome fellow of the feline variety. Have I got a story for you, you silly human!

You think you've got it made with all your buzzy wuzzy contraptions and appliances, that help you do everything.

Well, I've got a question for you. Can you lick your own nether regions? I think not!

Mom, mom look at me. I'm talking to You!  Just because you're only human doesn't mean you have to be entirely stupid.

You keep picking me up, petting me, asking what's wrong. I keep trying to tell you, but you're not listening.

I want to go out and kill something!!

Let me out let me out let me out!!

 No,I am not having a seizure. I like running around in circles till I get dizzy and throw up.

No that is not a hairball. That's my last victim.

Oh. the door is open. Yaaaay. Bye bye

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What would your pet tell you if it could talk? It doesn't even have to be a pet. It could be a squirrel sitting in your tree, chattering at you. What is it saying? Your story can be any amusing or amazing tale that an animal might tell you if you were listening. Sort of a Dr. Dolittle theme. Animals have no morals when it comes to amorous adventures, so try to keep it non mature. Have fun, and go nuts.

updated Feb 23 '09 by moonwalker