War on a Thousand Fronts
The year is 2567. Mankind has moved on from Earth, and branched out across the galaxy, building up an empire spanning thousands of planets, and hundreds of solar systems. However, the inhabitaants of the planet Thorgith VIII realized that mankind was a threat to their plans for galactic domination. So, they decided to try and wipe out all of mankind, so no one can oppose them. What they didn't realize, was that humans fight back. Hard....
Year 27, day 93
Adam awoke to the sound of the red-alert alarm, and, as quick as he's been trained to, jumped out of bed, and donned his combat suit, grabbed his gun, checked it was loaded, and was ready to go, and ran out his room, along the corridor, to the briefing room, where the rest of his platoon awaited him.
"Now then" said the general, "this alarm is sounding for one reason: you're all about to go planet-side, and defend the colony that was attacked about 4 hours ago by these scum-of-the-galaxy Thorgithians. They attacked at dawn, and without warning; the colony scanners didn't, for some strange reason, pick up on the Thorgithian ship that is in orbit."
The marines all looked around at each other; that was odd, Thorgithians have never used any form of cloaking device, they always show up on the scanners.
Noticing the marines' reactions to the news, the general continued "Don't worry about that now, we'll have people to investigate as soon as the colony is safe. For now, your only concern is to get down there, and fight."
"OOH RAH!" was the chorus that erupted from the men and women, now itching for battle.
"Ok, boys and girls, get to your dropships, and lets get this over and done with, so we can get home in time for tea."
The marines all got up as one, and turned, leaving the room at a run, all heading for the dropship docking bay. Adam joined his squad, and pushed to the front of the group, getting a brief salute and a "sir!" from each troop he passed. Being squad leader, these men amd women were his responsibility, and he cared for each one like a brother or sister.
They reached their ship, silent, and eager to go. They got in, buckled up, and as soon as Adam gave the word, the pilot gunned the engines, and blasted out the hangar, and headed straight for the battlezone.
As the ship hit the atmosphere, it shook and rocked, and got increasingly warmer. None of the marines seemed fazed by this; they had all run the simulations, and had all been in a drop before, they knew what to expect. Of course, what happened next wasn't expected.
The ship, having stabilized after getting through the atmosphere safely, was cruising along, heading for the drop-zone, as per usual, but then, without any warning, the ship lurched somewhat, then the engines cut out.
"What the hell is going on?" shouted Adam to the pilot.
"We've been hit, sir, a ground-to-air missile. I lost the engines, we're going down" replied the pilot.
"Dammit!" shouted Adam, punching the interior of the hull. "Ok, people, tighten your seatbelts, this is gonna be a bumpy landing."
No sooner had he said that, the ship did then hit the ground, hard. Adam, along with the rest of the squad, hit his head hard on the back of the seat. He quickly blacked out, losing all conciousness....
POST A COMMENT
2 COMMENTS ABOUT THIS STORY RSS
STORY TAGS
RELATED STORIES RSS
THE GOODS
You're currently reading the story
War on a Thousand Fronts, which was
was posted on May 5, 2008 by
Antonio_Van.
This story is filed under:
Science Fiction
 |
 |
STORY CATEGORIES
SPREAD THE WORD!
copyright © 2007-2008 taunt media. all rights reserved.
all member content is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Share Alike 3.0 License.
Some of your sentences are a bit longer than they need to be and you have been a bit generous with the commas. The first paragraph (after the Year 27 bit), is meant to be read very quickly I am guessing. But the long sentence and commas slow it down, so it is not as dynamic as it could be.
One thing I might comment on is some of the dialogue, which to me sounds a bit forced and unnatural. I find myself thinking 'would they actually say that'. I hope that is not off-putting. It's just a pet-hate of mine and something that I come across in a lot of published fiction (and in my own unpublished writing, which means that I just end up annoying myself). I find dialogue one of the hardest things to write. It's very difficult to write the way people actually speak, whilst from a story-telling point of view also trying to get across the point that you are making. That said, it is dramatic and gives the story a good pace.
I can't comment on any of the technicalities, as I do not know a great deal about space or aeronautics, except what I have seen in Star Wars. And on that note, I do love the Star Wars style introduction. I realise that the narrative is different from the rest, but think this is the best written part."