Friday 1st July
I saw Clare tonight and she looked so sad. I couldn't do a thing to help, though I was dying to go and give her a hug. If I had, would she have been pleased or reacted with disdain? I don't know. When I see her these days she is more friendly towards me, it's true. She has been since that day I went to see her at Sophie's place. She seemed really touched when I gave her that little teddy bear, even though I was kinda of nervous about giving it to her – we'd hardly been great friends up to then. I thought for a moment she was going to cry. She looked at me – really looked at me, and gave me a kiss on the cheek. If she'd known the effect that had on me I doubt she would have done it.
Anyway, what happened tonight was that I happened to be in the Kings Arms with Gerry, and she was with Steve and a few of his mates. but she might as well have been on her own because they were all mucking around and kind of ignoring her. At one point, three of them were up at the bar, chatting up the barmaid for ages, leaving her with the other guy, who just sat there texting someone and not talking to her. I don't know if that's what usually happens when they go out. Poor Clare, if it is. I know that the day I went round to Sophie's he hadn't been to see how she was – hadn't even phoned. Still out cold and hungover from the stag night, probably. He doesn't deserve her. OK, maybe I don't either, but I wouldn't treat her like he does.
I feel guilty now that I didn't go over and see her in the pub. I waved to her from where Gerry and I were sitting, and I think she looked happy to see me but I might be wrong about that.
Friday 29th July
Mark just phoned and asked if I fancy joining them all on a trip to Margate tomorrow. Was going to say no, then thought I might as well as I have nothing else planned.
Too cloudy to see the Southern Delta Aquarids shower tonight.
Saturday 30th July
Trip to Margate was great fun. We all piled onto the train at 10am. Clare was there, and without Steve. Apparently he didn't fancy coming along as there was a match he wanted to watch on TV. Somehow, late this afternoon, Clare and I paired up when we all went for a walk on the beach. We were lagging way behind the others, as we talked and talked about anything and everything. She was so animated. I was too, for that matter. I surprised myself with my complete lack of shyness, and found myself telling her things about myself I've never even told my family. I was tempted to ask her to pop round with me and meet Mum, as she lives only five minutes from where we were, but I thought Clare might think that was a silly idea, plus I'd have had to bring all the others along too. The one thing that spoiled it a but was when she was talking about her and Steve maybe moving in together. I suppose it brought me back down to earth again, with a bump. Still, at least we seem to be friends now, instead of just acquaintances.
Oh – another nice thing about today - We sat to each other on the train coming back and when I offered Clare a toffee she said she had deja vu , and I said you mean deja chew, which led to this silly game where we came up with all these different things like – a sense that you've seen that pigeon before – deja coo, and so on. We did that all the way back home. Very silly, but it makes me smile when I think about it...
Thursday 4th August
Clare and I have been texting deja vu jokes to each other all week. Today she came up with – 'a sense of having been on a plane before. Deja flew' Wonder if I'll run into her this weekend. Not much going on so probably not. If I were braver I'd ask her to go for a coffee or something. That's the sort of things friends do, and we ARE friends now, I think?
Friday 5th August
I had a shock this morning. I was chatting to Mark and he happened to mention that he'd seen Steve, who told him that he and Clare were now engaged. Feeling a bit low tonight.
Friday 12th August
A bit of a turn-up this afternoon. I'd just sent Clare yet another deja vu text and she rang me, laughing her socks off, saying it was the best one yet. Then we got talking and she said she was at a bit of a loose end and why didn't we go out for a quick drink. So we did! Lots of talking and laughing. She's great company, and seems to enjoy mine too. She didn't talk about Steve much and wasn't wearing any engagement ring, so maybe Mark got that wrong.
Lovely Perseids shower tonight – I walked up to the park to watch it. I'm in a great mood.