Meet, greet, talk, laugh, smile...die a little.
Like I said, when it's Jake and I the routine is little different from day to day.
We met with each other every now and then, never alone, always, we were surrounded by people, always they talked so loud, always they were so happy, always she was there.
I was calm, I was relaxed, I did my work, I talked with friends, I went to school, I was dead. Food was put in front of me every day, I didn't eat it, there was no point, I had never been a slim girl, my love of food had always been with me, but I didn't feel that need any longer, I didn't feel anything.
Did my parents still argue? I didn't notice. Did my brothers still shine over me? I didn't care. Were my friends still my friends? So what. Did my heart still beat? I didn't feel it. Did I still sleep? Not that I was aware of.
Everyday people would say "are you feeling alright?" Everyday I would smile, and reply "yes, I am fine thank you." then I would walk away.
I didn't cry, I wasn't sure if I knew how to anymore.
I wasn't sure when one day ended and when another began, I didn't notice if the week was over, I didn't care if the winter holidays were near, I had long got presents for all the people who were happy in the world. I used to love to do that, to buy people presents, I could never wait to see their faces when they saw whatever it was that I had spent so long deciding over. Not anymore.
They could have what they liked, I didn't care.
Eventually I didn't need to go to school anymore, it was the holidays, everyone was happy, people were buying more and more food for me to eat, I never did.
Apparently I looked unwell, I was not aware, I didn't use a mirror anymore, I didn't want to look at the creature who had thrown away what had once made me happy. I washed, I brushed my teeth, nothing else, why bother with make-up? Why care about my hair? Why should that make any difference to the ugly creature that was inside?
I stopped to notice when people spoke to me, they never said anything of interest, there were only two words that I could hear, only two words that mattered to me, the two words that had killed me.
People still texted me, my fingers would move automatically, "wanna meet up?" "sorry I am busy" "cn u help me with the hw?" "I have not done it yet" "doin anything nice this hol?" "no"