Villains Lament - Queen of Hearts

The Queen tells of the woes of being queen

 It is indeed a burden to bear the weight of a kingdom upon one’s own shoulders. The stress is unbearable at times and no one seems to understand that sometimes we rulers get a little cranky while under the pressure. My kingdom – or queendom rather – is very important to me, therefore I take ruling it very seriously. Some people just do not understand.

It seems I may have gotten a reputation for having a bit of a temper, but when one is surrounded by idiots who are incapable of even planting the correct flowers then I am positive they would be quite rageful as well. People are ever so melodramatic; a queen can’t order a few beheadings without being depicted as a bloodthirsty and malicious dictator? Let me make one thing especially clear, those who I choose to behead are in need of beheading and are only sentenced after long consideration and much warning. These aren't little men in large top hats singing the wrong song at my birthday celebration, but repeat offenders of the most heinous crimes. Those who I behead are criminals and I have to sleep every night with the weight of their heads on my shoulders – well not their actual head but theoretically the guilt of their beheadings is on my shoulders.

And another thing; I love and respect my husband the King more than anyone else. To think that someone should see me as a wife who not only ignores and disrespects her husband, but abuses and severely mistreats and neglects him is most tragic. Even with my son, whom I also love and respect more than anyone, why would I sentence him to beheading over something as childish as tarts. I’ll tell you one thing, the only reason I would get angry at my little Jack over stealing tarts is if they were stolen from an establishment in which the tarts should be paid for because they were part of the inventory and source of means for a poor citizen in which he would be committing a crime and not simply eating dessert before dinner.

The nerve of some people is unbelievable, like just the other day I was trying to relax with a friendly game of croquet and some audacious little girl comes barreling into my garden. She has no manners, no respect for authority or adults, and absolutely no wits. The girl was a complete idiot. But being the kind and accepting queen that I am, and clearly this girl was horribly lost so I invited her to play with me. She was horrible, and kept acting like the ball and mallet were animals – probably escaped from the mad house – and would whack the ball way out of bounds. When I tried to offer some friendly pointers or conversations the insolent girl would sass me. As queen, one can imagine, I would not stand to be sassed by a seven year old girl. I made the girl aware of how incredibly rude she was being and attempted to teach her a lesson on speaking respectfully to authority figures.

Finally the girl disappears; but later the girl shows up again whilst I was in the matter of judging a very important case. The girl waltzes in and starts talking nonsense, suddenly the whole court is in a fuss and we have to adjourn until the following day.

Girls like that are hazardous to a queen’s health.

 I am the Red Queen of Hearts, and I am simply doing my job. 

The End

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