I didn't move for a long time. I just leaned my head back against the hard wood of the chair and observed the ceiling. Sometimes I saw patterns in those little splatters of paint they leave up there, but for the most part I was looking through it.

I must have dozed off, because Sam's hammering on my door rang like a *#$#ing jack-hammer in my ears and shattered the abyss I had been floating in. It rang every fiber of every molecule in my body.

“What the #%$@i” I cried out at the door.

“It's been two hours since you lost it in the diner. I just wanted to make sure you were alright,” Sam said through the door.

“Yeah. I'm peachy. Go back to jerking off and crying.”

“Kay man. I'll be around if you need me.” I listened to his heavy footsteps retreat across the hall and heard his door creak shut. My eyes felt like basketballs, bulging out of my head, overinflated and ready to pop. The soothing sounds of COPS started to play from across the hall. Sam watched it every night, with the volume pumped up nice and loud so I could hear. That scratchy, high-pitched narrator's voice, juxtaposed with the sounds of crashing cars was like a soundtrack to my nights. Tonight on COPS, this guy tries to rob a liquor store, but gets more than he bargained for when the owner goes FULL BORE! Then later, drunk drivers always behave badly, but you've never seen anything quite like THIS ONE!

What the hell was that narrator's name? He sounded like Gary Busey on crack. Well...more crack anyway. Who the ^^#& was that guy? That was going to bug me all day now. I decided to turn to my good buddy Jameson for help. I opened up the drawer that I stuffed him into earlier and took a nice long swig. The whiskey burned the tissue in my throat and left a heavy, smoky aftertaste in my mouth. My head immediately started to feel better. It was probably still pounding, but at least I couldn't feel it anymore. I took another swig, and then another. After a few minutes, I had a nice light head buzz going. Little things weren't bothering me anymore, and my eyeballs seemed to have shrunk back into my head. My muscles were nice and relaxed. It was time to pay detective Vogel a visit.

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updated Jan 6 by TeddyErnest