There's a smile on my face, and I'm relaxed as I can be - or at least, I'm pretending to be. But I'm not what you would call happy about it all. I just didn't want Alex to go off on his own and do something stupid.
Not that that's ever worked before...
I mean, look at the last time I couldn't stop him fucking off and doing something ridiculous. His girlfriend died and he became a vampire. A fairly major cock up, in the grand scheme of things, I think.
So, here I am, in the passenger seat of a beaten up Ford Fiesta that can barely make it to the shops and back without breaking down, attempting to make up for letting him slip past me before. Not that anything can really make up for that, but y'know... gotta try, right?
Those are the thoughts going round my head as Alex pushes my cars to its pathetic limits along the motorway.
Next thing I know, there's an angry vampire hanging off the end of the car, and Alex is driving in the hard shoulder.
How did that happen?
I really need to stay on the ball now we're running for our lives. I give myself a mental slap and nudge Alex. He curses under his breath and does an emergency stop.
Bearing in mind we're going at nearly seventy miles an hour by now. Which is surprising, I didn't think this car could do that kinda speed any more.
My seatbelt digs in as we lurch forwards, the car coming to a creaking, abrupt stop. The engine dies and my neck really hurts. I barely notice as Alex apologises in between more swearing. I'm more concerned by the vampire next to my door standing up, looking very, very pissed off.
She bends down, staring through my window. Alex doesn't seem to notice this, so I feel the need to alert him to this... by screaming his name very loudly. Both he and the woman looking through the window wince by the volume of my too-girly shriek. I unbuckle myself and collapse into Alex's lap, struggling to somehow get further away from her as she breathes in deeply, apparently sniffing the air.
The window isn't even rolled down.
She frowns and opens the door, kneeling on me as she grabs Alex's shirt. Ignoring my yelping as she puts just a little too much pressure on my groin, she pulls Alex towards her and smells his neck.
"A newborn and his snack," she sneers, leaning back. She doesn't get off me though and I whine, wriggling slightly.
It only serves to make it worse and she laughs.
"He's not my snack," Alex growls, pushing her out of the car. She laughs, and it's not a sound I ever want to hear again. Take the most evil woman's laugh you've ever heard, give it the sense that she's totally looking down her nose at you, and that she's about to eat you, and you've probably got something close to her laugh.
"Then what is he, hmm?" she enquires, leaning over me again, lingering near my neck in a way I can only think is supposed to be seductive or something as she trails a finger down my sternum, pulling at my shirt. I shudder and she lets out another laugh, but this one's soft, her cold breath tickling my neck. Unfortunately, the desire to move away from her, pushes me further into Alex's crotch. Now, while this isn't a bad thing, I'd rather it wasn't because some creepy vampire bitch was sizing me up as her next meal.
I don't mind being Alex's snack, but the idea of doing it for anyone else is just... ugh.
I wrap my arms around Alex's torso and use him to pull myself up and away from her, ignoring the mild pain of sitting on the handbrake. I might as well sit on his lap and start making out with him, the disgusted look she gives us as I cling to him.
"Oh, you're not that way inclined, are you?" she drawls, her voice the only thing I seem to be able to hear over Alex's slow heartbeat and my own breaths. The motorway is out there somewhere still, but it feels like it's a million miles away from us.
I'm not sure how I feel about what Alex does next...
He puts his arms around me and pulls me onto his lap, resting his cheek on my arm, squeezing me protectively.
"Yeah... we are. Problem?" he asks challengingly. I close my eyes and remind myself that he's doing it in the hope it will make her leave, but I can't help the skip in my heartbeat as he says it, wishing it was true.
We're at the mercy of a vampire on the hard shoulder of a motorway and all you care about is whether Alex likes you or not?
Someone slap me.