Don't you love nosy neighbours? Well, not usually, but when they come to see what went on last night and discover you on the floor all bloody and fucked up the way they found me, and then call an ambulance for you, you got to love them.
Staring at the roof of an ambulance isn't all that interesting. Oxygen masks aren't very comfy. The woman paramedic isn't exactly a stunner, a bit old for me. I'd say the other paramedic, the guy, is attractive, but I don't swing that way, so I can't really ogle him.
The hospital is a bit better, I guess. There's a pretty nurse there, but she only hooks me up to one of those blood bags and leaves again, and then I'm left with a male nurse who keeps an eye on my monitors and starts to put proper bandages and stuff on me.
I wouldn't mind if it weren't for the fact that they had to take off all my clothes to get to the gash on my thigh and the one on my chest. I'm awake for all of this, too. He apologises as I glare at him when he lifts the blanket thing they put on me.
"It's not like I haven't seen it all before," he mutters and I just glare at him some more.
"Think it makes a difference to me?" I snap and he just sighs, getting on with his job. Don't get me wrong. I'm not a homophobe, I'd be a bit screwed up if I was, considering my best mate, Maxxie is as bent as one of those curly straws you had as a kid. I even go as far as to humour him when he flirts with me - we both know it's not serious - but I'm not in the mood right now.
But seriously, why me? Why can I not get a pretty nurse girl? Why do I get the guys?
"Christ," the guy nurse mutters when he sees the gash on my leg. I twitch as he starts to clean it up and I swear at him, but he just brushes it off with a ‘you're lucky to be alive' thing. "This wound is very close to an artery. Only a few millimetres away." He tells me. Oh good, Jesse has a bad aim. The guy's hand brushes uncomfortably close to my balls and I growl at him.
"Go any further north and I will teach you the meaning of pain, lucky to be alive or not." His eyes widen and he apologises hastily, taking more care as he bandages up my leg. When he finishes with that bandage, he fiddles with something I can't see behind my head and suddenly I don't care about anything anymore as the extra morphine or whatever floods me. Happy times.