Valor - Succession

I need some reviews on how did it go. It's a simple plot that is in need of reviewing. It's NOT a story itself. At least for now.

  1. W R I T T E N    B Y    P H A N T O M E S S E N C E // MarcCM 24/5/2015
  4. Insulei, the land divided. The rivers of hatred cross the land as the factions put their banners up high in the sky. Despair flows with the wind that blows against the high mountains and finally leads to a perfectly orange dusk.
  5. The grand civilizations of Insulei were once one only reign. A united power of nations ready to advance no matter the cost
  6. for the good of the people. The Monarchy of Insulei, was the name of the faction that united the greatest and most valiant under one great deep blue banner.
  7. But all had to come to an end.
  16. Insulei was ruled by a dynastic monarchy, the Corsario Dynasty. Formed of a total of 6 family members, a starry night, when the palace lights luminously lit up and along with them the glorious gates of the Insular Monarchy, a group of incursors broke in.
  17. Dashing in through the paviment, seeding fear in the people's eyes, spreading havoc across their minds the emblem of fear was established.
  18. Klaus of Antebellum breached the throne room. The royal army tried to defend, but any resistance was futile. Queen Ceres
  19. Corsario was meditating whilst sitting on her throne. Calmly going through the anxious situation that was taking place when it happened.
  20. The invaders breached the throne room, with their clothes and armor covered in the blood of the gallant soldiers that had fallen before them.
  22. The Queen softly said, noticing deep turquoise eyes lurking in the darkneess. "Avenge me.". To then close her eyes to in no time recieve the deafening burning cut of a sharp blade creating a lethal wound across.
  23. And so, the Dynasty of Antebellum was established. A Dynasty that would last years, under iron fist command. With the years, the Corsario were hunt down like animals. They were the hunters and the dethroned dynasty were the prey awaiting its death. They soon disappeared in darkness or were publicly executed. There weren't going to be anymore outcasts.
  24. With time, the conflicts within the nations began to crumble. The Insular Monarchy's structure was falling apart, the nations desired
  25. to be independent and they would reach such objective, which would later lead to wars, that would slowly poison the insular region and later lead it to its slow destruction and disintegration.
  32. Insulei celebrates the 5th Anniversary of the Insular Pact, which put an end to the endless wars that kept destroying the planet. The territories,
  33. The Central Monarchy, the Opus Corona and the Commandance celebrate their independence with their people and most valiant soldiers.
  35. At the Central Monarchy, the whole city blacks out. The only lights left are the lights that light up the rivers, this highlighting the rivers, leaving a beautiful scene impossible to describe with words. Fireworks of different colours were launched, the eyes of the people were glowing in emotion, pure emotion was flowing through their veins as Queen Arcana rushed excited to the palace balcony to greet the people. The whole collage of events with beautiful light effects mixed with the glorious starry sky designed the beautiful setting for a day to be remembered, forever.
  37. At the Commandance, the lights were shutdown too. Because of the timezone difference, it was sunset. The glass panels at the buildings created a wonderful effect. The people at the streets halted their walking routine to take a look at the amazing effect that was taking place. The reluctant golden sunset light was reflecting on the city's modern skyscrapper's glasses, this creating a marvellous reflection throughout the whole city. As the people observed the scene, Vanadii, leader of the commandance, accompanied by his two loyalists breathed through his airbreather in satisfaction.
  39. Without a shred of doubt, Insulei was in a celebration in the name of their independence and peace. 3 worlds finally united, it was indeed a date worthy of grand celebration. It was broadcasted everywhere, most of the people couldn't but be left speechless at the amazing mix of natural and aritifical effects that enlightened the whole region that starry night of June.
  41. The Opus Corona prepares their troops. Their soldiers are lining up, rallying. As a united force, the armored divisions march firmly through the streets of the Corona capital city. The air transports landed.
  42. The soldiers marched with valiance towards their next mission. Vangeline, leader of the Opus Corona, had survived ages, under a false identity, perfectly camouflaged, and now it wasn't but time to aim all the spotlights at her.
  44. The aircrafts took off, escorted by squads of fighters and bombers, they dauntlessly left the trails of a new awakening in the dusky starry sky.
  45. At the Commandance Civil Defense Center, the news arrive. As inmediatly displayed in their radar, the hostile markers advance relentlessly through the sky carrying the soldiers of downfall, the tanks of an insurrection and the power to overthrow the highest elites. Advancing firmly without looking back they arrive at the air perimeter of the Alurith, the Central Monarchy's capital.
  47. The CIVIDEF (commandance Civil Defense) inmediatly contacted with queen Arcana of Antebellum, who hesitates when having to leave her stand to answer a call deemed "urgent". As she hears the reason of the call, her skin slowly becomes pale and her eyes begin to glow in fear.
  48. Her children are watching, worried, how she nods to the call, without replying, just listening to the serious voice across the transmitter. Soldiers began to swarm through the throne room. The children, two boys, the only heirs to the crown and next generation of the Antebellum began to be overtaken with the pressure. The Queen came closer to them, dodging the soldiers' tactical positioning commands. She spoke softly, you could feel her shivering.
  50. "I need you both to run. It's for your good" the children wanted to reply but her mother won't let them, he instructed the soldiers to take them out and so they did. Forcefully walking through the side-hallway, Pluvia Antebellum, the youngest of the sons met her mother's eyes once again. The havoc was about to begin.
  51. The Commandance's support arrived by the West, but it was too late. The havoc was already spreading throughout the streets of Alurith. The deployment of the Opus Corona forces had been succesful and the last deadly trooper had hit the contested land already.
  53. They marched forward disregarding anything in their way. Any civilians standing in the middle would be killed on sight. The armored vehicles were aiming at the civilian residences to cause fear in the masses. As the soldiers kept their route forward into the palace, the royal batallion took positions at the avenue, but were backfired by an aircraft bombardment strategy.
  54. Vangeline had won this war. For 10 years she had kept her identity hidden. She could still hear the words in her head "Avenge me". That whisper sounded in her head over and over. Victoria Angelina Corsario. Last, one and only survivor of the hunt on the Corsario dynasty.
  56. Dethroned when she was just 7 learnt to master fighting and military strategy to one day forge an empire and her revenge. Klaus Antebellum was dead. There was no way to directly avenge her deceased mother Ceres. Evil thoughts caused her to choose the most harmful way.
  57. To dethrone his family like he had dethroned hers. The conflict inside the city of Alurith wasn't getting any better. Vangeline arrived at the scene, when the city was already on fire and marched with her soldiers through the grand doors of the palace. Going through the huge hallway, she felt a huge feeling of anger. Entering the throne room, she took out her blade and mercilessly killed the loyal defenders of the queen.
  59. The Corona soldiers, covered in the blood of those who dared defend the "queen with no crown" according to Vangeline. The Queen looked straight into Vangeline's furious eyes.
  60. She slightly turned her head to the right, still feeling the heat of the laser pointers aiming at her forehead. She knew it would be the last time she would see her children. She finally met Pluvia's eyes. Left a kiss in the air, dropped a tear and felt the piercing pain of a bullet taking her life away. There was no going back now. The Commandance kept pushing through, but there was no way. Vanadii's crisis commitee had failed at recapturing Alurith.

--Urgh. You tell me how it went, looking for common opinion.



The End

0 comments about this story Feed