A debilitating yearning for someone conveyed through words. I could not repress it for much longer. A languishing feeling of sadness consuming every part of me and i cannot evade it. I am sorry.
I can feel myself crumbling a little inside because i heard a song reminiscent of you for you are a faultless paragon. I’ve managed to contain my longing for you since the day you contorted my frail heart. I’m not at ease, i’m collapsing inside. Enclosed within, there is this inexplicable lump of sadness hovering and waiting to burst at any moment. I can feel my insides being compressed by this dysphoria smothering my mind. A cluster of worthlessness, depleted of qualities worthy of being rendered as valuable brewing inside of me and it’s becoming progressively more intense as each day passes because you leaving has just multiplied the amount of self hate currently existing. Your departure from my life has only twisted my path of hope. I can just feel myself falling apart at the seams, invisibly collapsing under this feeling of ache dominating my entire body. I just wasn’t aware of just how much you could re-establish a state of contentment, temporary or perpetual then completely demolish it and seize it from me, only leaving an empty dent that can never filled, an emptiness permeating every inch of my insides. Like a bruise, a wound imprinted on my mind. I never fully comprehended the effect you could have on me. I thought i was finished with relying on people but it’s people who provide me with happiness, yet i’m so afraid of people. I’m so afraid of breaking apart all my feelings and allowing people to enter to only be left more fragmentary than before. All people do is take every source of happiness i have. I honestly believed you would be the individual who swept up every sad thought and and convert it into something beautiful but you've only contributed to the incessant sadness lurking inside of me. I have a longing to recapture every inch of you back for you are the most paradoxically perfect, defectless human being that my eyes have ever had the sheer delight of fathoming. Your endearing qualities luring me in, yet unrequited. I yearn for your loving embrace, your distinctive scent as i flounder in the murky depths of the blue. I crave every atom of you.