What do you do when everything you thought you were has changed?
I didn't know what to do. I didn't know who to tell, or what to say to them. I knew they would judge. I had no clue what my parents would do. I feared they would be mad, or upset, or never look at me the same way again.
I didn't want any of this to happen. I wanted to forget about it, so the feeling would go away, and I could go on living the way I had for all my life. But, as much as I wanted to supress everything, pretend that it wasn't there, I couldn't. They were just so beautiful. The curve of their bodies, the sparkle in their eyes, and their silken hair. They beauty got me every time.
I caught myself staring every day. No, that's not what you're supposed to be looking at, I would say to myself, and try to turn my attention to a male. It never worked.
I thought that I was abnormal, that there was something wrong with me. I thought that I would go to Hell. I thought that I wasn't supposed to think that way. I blame society for that, the same society that my parents and dearest friends were part of.
My best friends made fun of people like that. My mother would go off on rants of how it's not right, not the way it should be. Everyone had nasty names for people like that. Everyone seemed to disagree with it. And, that scared me.
Why am I like this?
What's going on with me?
Is this really okay?
Am I just going insane, do I really think this way?
Through the fear, confussion, embarassment, and worry, I had to face it. I was a feminine young lady of 14 years old, and I was attracted to girls.