He's unsuitable.  That's all there is to it.

He's too tall for a start.    I would look ridiculous standing beside him.  I can't stand beside him to talk in any case, because we can't make eye contact at such a vertiginous angle. I have to step back and throw my head back on its haunches to maintain a conversation.  This does not seem to make Cameron uncomfortable.  I come up to his armpits.

 Overweight.  Heavy around the middle and his hands, whilst they have long slender fingers, also appear feminine because they are plump and smooth.  An extra chin can sometimes appear when he is being sardonic.  There is plenty of him to grab hold of, that’s for sure.   

Grey hair.  Grey-ing.  I saw it the other night when he stood under some low voltage recessed halogen ceiling lights in the Schoolhouse.  Yes, it is the kind of pub which has aspirational lighting, and this enabled me to see Cameron's greying hair.  Otherwise it is dark brown, longish on top and slightly floppy, yet also somehow spiky on top.  Not sure how he does this but I don't think hair product is involved.  Maybe a quick tousle in the rear view mirror is involved, more than this I cannot picture.   

For these and other reasons he is unsuitable.  Tall, fat, old - OK, I have no idea how old he is.  He could be twenty five.  Maybe he had a hard life.  Or he could be forty.  I am not good at ages.  I'm thirty.  That's all I know.  I don't think I look the same as other thirty year olds. 

Yet in other respects he is up to scratch.  Top-notch funny, rich in anecdotes, has no roots - like me! - And has his own place.  He works with computers – geeky and intense.  He’s in the drama group – creative but diffident, passionate about the show but strictly backstage.  He has a faded Glasgow lilt.  And more than that.  He is single.  Perennially, chronically single.  All previous female liaisons have been referred to in the distant past tense (defined as the past tense, plus a wry look which you are meant to interpret as ironic, but which many people interpret as terror that it really is a long time since...).     

This is great news.  I cannot resist the very single man.  They are more male than domesticated, attached men.  If a single man goes shoe shopping, you know it is because he wants to; if he cooks himself a curry from scratch, he is not doing it under duress.  Very single men can live how they want, untainted by female influence.  With a very single man, you get all man, the real thing. 

All this is making me tingle.  Not Cameron, though!  It's impossible.  He cannot be added to the list.  No.  No way.  He is Jenna's friend and they need him for the play.  Jenna would be very ticked off if they had to find another sound guy. So that's that. 

The next rehearsal’s Tuesday.  We all vaguely agreed to go to the Schoolhouse afterwards again, it was really good tonight.  Everyone seemed to have fun, even though we don’t all know each other.  It was nice to talk to a few new people who weren’t morons.  I think we should all go, make it a regular thing.  It’ll help us keep things tight for the play.  And I liked staying for the whole rehearsal, even the parts where I was basically just reading along.  We’ve never done that before, we’ve always rehearsed by acts.  I’m practically the prompt now.  I should make the effort to go to the pub with them all. 

Cameron reckoned they needed an understudy for basically all parts, given that stomach flu that's going round. 

He's funny.  I like that in a man. 

I'm abrasive.  It would be perfect. 

No.  This is ridiculous.  Stop now.

The End

2 comments about this story Feed