His mouth, it’s all I can stare at. All the way across the room he’s laughing with Philip. The lips are parted, red, plump and slightly wet. He must have licked his lips before I started staring. He notices my eyes and I’m forced to look away. Damn, I feel my cheeks heat up, must be bright red.
I risk a sly glance; he’s made his way past that big group of his friends and has chosen a table to have lunch. He and Philip are excited about something, they’re both talking enthusiastically. His eyes are showing their gleaming whites in his excitement. His arms are flailing quite a lot but somehow he remains handsome unlike Philip who might be considered manic right now.
I’m so calm today, I think its mostly due to the fact that I know this is the last time I’ll see him, and because I’m finally going to let this fantasy go. Hopefully. No it will go, it can’t continue if I don’t see him can it? But my decision today is prickling this air of calm. Do I say goodbye to a boy who hardly knows me? There doesn’t seem to be a reason not to, we aren’t great friends, but today’s the excuse! A final goodbye is worthy of even the briefest of acquaintances!
He has gone to the vending machine, this is perfect. I quickly make my way to the snack bar adjacent and make myself a cup of tea nonchalantly. He seems really happy, a lovely grin on his face that makes my stomach quake a little. He reaches underneath where I’m standing for some sugar packets for the coffee he is drinking. He looks at me and his white teeth break through the grin into a gut sparkling smile.
“Hi Spats!” He nearly giggles.
“Bye Erin.” I reply more sadly then I intended, “I’m leaving college today, the family’s decided to move to Iceland… so, have a nice life!” I say lightly.
The whites of his eyes gleam again, he’s taken aback it seems. He frowns.
“Oh.” He says with a little pout, “I always thought we had plenty of time to get to know each other, you make me laugh in lectures.”
Ow my heart, a small twist of the un-requainted knife.
‘Well too late now’, my brain says cheerily, ‘wrap it up you have to go to the computer room’, it laughs.
However my mouth defies it, and me. I say-
“Well there’s no reason not to, you can come over in the next couple of weeks if you like to look at packing boxes and empty floors. My DVD collection is still out and about.”
It didn’t scare him, thank god, he looks genuinely interested.