God created Light so we could see our own mistakes...
“When I was a child I felt love everyday” You loved me too once, but are your eyes blinded to mine? Who am I here to convince? “I felt as if nothing could ever go wrong, and when I went on vacation that summer I felt loved all over again” it was all mine for an entire summer. “I was ten years old and I felt completely free from all the pressures and thoughts of my life, I felt I could completely and truly be free.” You wouldn’t care if I told you I went to visit my aunt, you’ve never met her and she’s dead now! “no parents, and no siblings at all;” I never had them but it makes it sound more dramatic no pain caused “it was just me, thirty acres and my first real friend in a very long time.” I remembered those times I spent with Timothy, and the world stood still. I bite my lip, i do not know why I do this but i think it makes me feel that time again childish but safe, I laugh.
“Finally I had someone I could rely on for comfort, to share my thoughts with, to laugh at the world and share an endless summer I will never forget. He was so perfect, and witty. He had the whole world by the feet, he seemed so in control, it was an instant connection.” I knew he was the perfect soul, someone best friends are made of. “We did everything together that summer. He and his parents picked berries on my aunts acreage; but we soon embarked on endless thirteen hour adventures though the forest that lined the property. He taught me how to shoot a arrow, how to hold a baseball bat to get that flawless *crack* on contact.” I swing my arms to enphisize he was a man. “He taught me how to make the perfect chocolate fudge brownie,” and my secret “and how to live just in the moment we are, how to make the world stand still.
“It was amazing,” I continue though I should not “one day in the middle of the summer we had decided to go on a hike up the mountain” You will never believe me “we ended up in a field half way through the brush, it was so wide and open; heavenly, no one had touched it.” I can not stop You were there too I know it “He said he came there a lot, it was his paradise. We talked for hours; we lazed in the field, and spoke for the first time through the words, past the world, past consciousness.” We connected. I will tell this story right not because Yo want to hear it but because he deserves it “He told me all about the feelings he had inside and how sometimes he wished he could just get away. At twelve years old he cried in my arms, and for the first time I saw that he wasn’t so in control, he was hurt like me.” We returned to this moment everyday after. “He made me feel like I was something special, when everybody else in the world made me feel, as I am, invisible.
“He told me about how his parents didn’t care about him anymore, and how he really wished he could just get it over with. But one day, a day I don’t think I could forget if I tried as we lay in those fields, as the clouds drifted lazily across the sky, and the sun hovered just over the horizon; He looked at me, he grabbed my hand and told me to look up at he sky. He showed me the one thing that made it worth staying here all these years. He told me to look straight up, through the clouds, through the worries and confusion, up to love and endless possibilities. He taught me that if you believe, and on the perfect day you gaze slowly across the sky, for a moment your worries, and your troubles and confusion slip away, and you are left, that’s when the world truly stands still.” You do not hear me, I tell outloud why I need Your help and You can not turn to hear me.
“He leaned over and kissed me,” No reaction? Do you not understand? “the world did stand still and for the first time I felt…” I want to tell You about the sun and the breeze and all the feelings of summer shooting down my throat to cross the threshold of my body to radiate and dispense throughout my entire being, “I felt the warmth of his love and I never wanted it to end.” This is the first time I can look back on my life and feel worth the pain, this is when I had a name for my feelings, and I had someone who understood them. Even in a moment of happiness “This was the moment I realized; my life was not going to be alright.”
He told me I was never to discuss what we did or what happened between us in those fields that summer, though it was just a kiss. It never could have hurt me so much to hear those words as they did leaving the mouth, which had just embraced mine.
“When I left that summer he didn’t bother to say goodbye. I believe I truly loved him. My aunt called me tear-filled a week later she said he was gone.” I did not understand, as You must not understand why I cry now “I thought he runaway, he was going to come find me. It wasn’t until years later I found out what had truly happened” He was sad, and three day after I left “he stuck a gun down his throat and took his life.” He was lying alone in that field. “I guess the sun just stopped shining.”
... we must suffer that which we create.