It was only two days since Robbie had left for Edinburgh, but I was already missing him, and longing for the day that Rowen and I could go up and live with him. We had cleared it all with my parents, and were totally set for the move. Ever since Rowen's birth, just three weeks ago, I had been seeing Zach more and more. I had realized with a horrible jolt, that I was now just as close with him again as I had been when we were fourteen, before he admitted he loved me. Just the thought of it makes me break into a cold sweat. Was that why he hated that me and Robbie were in love? Why he was insanely jealous of Robbie? Did he... Still love me?
That was enough to convince me I had to ask him. I had t0 just confront him. I climbed out of the shower, turning off the water. I had been standing in it for the last half hour while I thought things over. Pulling on my pants and bra, I looked at myself in the full-length mirror. I'd been running everyday since I got out of hospital, and I had definitely burned off a lot of the baby fat. I still felt a little chubby, but both Zach and Robbie assured me I wasn't fat. I slid into some jeans and a cute blue polo-shirt and black jumper. Then I grabbed the bag full of emergency Rowen supplies, and went downstairs to find her. Mum was holding her in the living room, just holding her and beaming down at her sleeping face.
"Oh Jess, she looks just like you when you were a baby..." She says, sighing. Rowen has definitely brought her and I back together, as well as rekindling my relationship with dad. Rowen was just so amazing... She had Zach's skin tone, slightly darker than my own, but my blue eyes and a shock of my brown hair. She had gorgeous round little eyes with thick lashes, a button nose and a full pout. Not to mention her teensy little feet and star-fish hands, which I couldn't get enough of.
"Pass her here? I'm going to meet Zach." I said, breezily, trying to act the opposite of how I was feeling. Carefully, I pulled on tiny bootees over Rowen's white baby grow, and wrapped her in her pastel blue, pink and yellow patched quilt. Then I set her in her pram, and set off, only stopping to pull on my own black jacket and to wrap a scarf around my neck. It hadn't been a lie when I said I was meeting Zach, we had planned to meet even before I thought of all the 'Does he love me' drama.
Zach opened the door, grinning when I rung on the doorbell with an elbow, juggling Rowen and her bag, as well as the pram. Carefully he took Rowen, and holding her in the crook of one arm, took the bag in his other arm. Smiling at him gratefully, I pushed the pram into his all-too familiar hall way. He walked up the stairs, still holding Rowen, and I automatically followed. Once in his room, he set Rowen down on the bed, wrapping her in the duvet.
"We need to talk." He said, at exactly the same time as I said the same thing. We both giggled, then I said:
"What do you want to talk about?"
"Oh no, you first." He said, ever the gentleman.
"Um, OK, but this isn't going to be easy... Um, well... I, I just, I guess, I just still kinda wonder if.. um, if maybe you still like me? Please don't lie.." I grin nervously, trying to break the tension. Then he slides an arm around my waist, and before I can do anything, his mouth is on mine. For a moment, I melt into the familiarity of his arms, the easy-ness of his mouth on mine, then I suddenly come to my senses, pulling away.
"Does that answer your question?" He says softly. I stand there, speechless, aghast.
What have I done?