“You have just made my life a whole lot easier. Oh and by the way, I don’t suck human blood. I suck deer, bear, lion and animals like that.” He said.
I nodded taking it in.
“Oh and garlic, holy water, and crucifixes don’t keep me away, I can go out in sunlight if I want, and the only way to kill me is by tearing me to shreds and burning me, not by shoving a stake through my heart.” He said, smiling. I laughed at the thought of him cowering at garlic and a crucifix.
“So the whole ‘you can call me a kind of psychic’ thing is part of it too.” I assumed.
“Yeah, I can see when things are going to happen, but there’s just one thing that I can’t see; when unicorns come into the picture.” He said, being completely serious. I laughed and I couldn’t help it.
“What?” He asked curiously.
“Of all the things to be real in the mythical world, it had to be unicorns! It could have been werewolves or Minotaur’s or something scary, but it had to be unicorns!” I laughed.
“Yeah, but they are pretty scary things, laugh if you will. I know they’re supposed to be pretty and humane and things like that, but they’re ugly things, never white coloured, and are always in a bad temper.” He said, laughing.
“Oh, and there’s something you should know about my house.” He said.
“What?” I asked, thinking it would be underground or something vampire-ish like that.
“It’s pretty gothic.” He said, laughing.
“By the way, it’s not underground or anything like that.” He added.
“What? Did you see us having this conversation in those little visions of yours?” I asked.
“No; funnily enough. I read your mind.” He said, amused.
“Well, you can probably do that with everybody can’t you?” I asked.
“Actually, you’re the only person that I can do it with – kind of freaky actually.” He said, smiling.
He decided to let me get out of the car, and helped me out, and put me upright on my crutches, carrying my bags for me. He saw that I was struggling with walking up the path, so he carried me, putting my crutches and bags on top of me, cradling me so that I felt safe.
Being strong must come with being a vampire too, I thought.
“Yeah, it does.” He said, and we both laughed knowing that I had only thought it and not said anything.
He walked in the house, as the door was unlocked, set me on my feet, giving me back my crutches, and shouted ‘we’re home!’
At that all of his brothers and sisters came running down the stairs to see us.
He ran up to the spare room where I’d be staying the week, to drop my bags off, and came back down again.
He introduced me to each of his siblings: Emily, Charlie, Finty, Jordan and Freya. Then Sally (Dr. McIvor) came in the door and Dougie (Joe’s Dad) came down the stairs.
“Yo. What’s up?” Jordan said, and made me laugh loads.
“What’s up with her?” Charlie asked Jordan.
“Apparently you don’t say ‘hi’ like that these days, apart from in those Hollywood movies.” Finty giggled.
“So I guess ‘howdy’ would be off the record?” Charlie added.
“Yeah…” I said, and then there was a really awkward silence that followed suit.
Then Dougie broke the silence and asked how old I was, which I thought was pretty random, but there you go.
“I’m seventeen, and I’ll be eighteen in a month and a bit.” I said, slowly.
“Ah, you are way too young for our Joe!” Dougie exclaimed, laughing his head off, well, metaphorically speaking, but I wouldn’t put it past a vampire to turn into the headless horseman – ha ha ha, just my little joke.
“Well, how old is Joe?” I asked, confused.
“Didn’t you tell her?” Freya laughed, and Joe shook his head.
“What?” I asked, still confused.
“Joe’s ninety seven.” Sally laughed, and my jaw dropped to the floor.
I think I was like that for about five minutes, and it must have looked funny to the vampires, how me, a human, could be shocked at things like that, when they were shocked that you don’t say ‘howdy’ or ‘yo’ anymore.
“So, you wanna come up and see the room where you’ll be staying the week?” Emily asked.
“Erm… yeah.” I replied wondering if I was going to have to shuffle up the stairs on my bottom.
“No, don’t be silly, I’ll carry you up.” Joe said, answering my thoughts.
“What?” Sally asked, confused.
“Oh yeah, I’ve just found out that I can read her thoughts, but only hers.” He told Sally casually, as if she were his friend, not his Mum.
He carried me up to the top of the stairs, and dropped me onto the sofa in the room.
“Wow.” I said, which is the only way I could describe the room.
“Yup; it’s pretty cool isn’t it?” Emily asked.
“I’ll say so.” I replied.
“Joe decorated it and furnished it just for you.” Emily said, proud of Joe.
“Really?!” I asked.
“Yeah, apparently you humans have to sleep and eat.” He said as if it were a completely insane idea to do.
“I thought it was insane that you can live up to how old Joe is.” I said.
“Oh, well Dad’s a lot older than Joe. Dad’s three hundred and seventy.” She said as if it were completely normal.
“How old are the rest of you then?” I asked.
“Well, as you know, I’m ninety seven. Then Emily’s one hundred and two, Charlie’s only forty eight, Finty’s one hundred and fifty nine, Jordan’s one hundred and sixty seven, Freya’s one hundred and seventy four, you know that Dad’s three hundred and seventy, and Mum is two hundred and ninety one.” He said, and I was completely shocked.
“I take it that you don’t die then?” I asked.
“Yup, completely immortal, unless someone tears us to shreds and burns us.” He said smiling.