This is how I want to write this chapter.

So anyway as I was saying, that day, this INSANE thing happened to me! It was so incredibly weird, frightening, terrifying, and magical all in one moment. It was the most memorable moment of my entire life, so much, that I can't possibly imagine ever thinking, for one split second, about ANYTHING else! Let me explain it to you in the next 50-something pages. And don't worry I'll keep coming back to it later too.

The parking lot at the school was packed as I made my way to my fabulous vintage Dodge Charger.   I took careful attention to put one foot carefully in front of the other, because this, this ice was something I knew nothing about.  I tried to close my eyes to avoid my fear of falling but that only made things worse!  I knew, of course, that although I probably wasn’t a good driver, or anything else, as I’ve said before, but must of course, insist on repeating, that I would probably need to ask a male friend to drive my car for me.

And as you know, I have a fiery sense of independence, and would never accept help from a man! If it was one thing Mom had taught me, "If a man's not gonna pay for your booze, he's simply not worth it!"  Spurred on with that resolve, I gaily jumped through the open window of my automobile, only, and you're not going to believe this, to catch my feet sliding under me and falling on my...well, you know.
 
And then the laughter!  The horrid laughter!  Those wretched Spoons High fools were taunting me with their laughter.  My lip furled, my brow arched and my arms stiffened.  My knuckles were whiter than they have ever been, and you know how white I am!  I dared not look at them as I cast them my nastiest glare.  And then.  And then.  You are not going to believe this.  Him.  Yes!  HIM, in capital letters.  THAT him.

There he was, in his leather jacket, sitting in his shiny silver Volvo, smoking his electric cigarette (I know! That was new to me as well!),  and sexily brooding in his Sullen way.  (Pardon?  No, I don't get it...can I just continue?)  He wasn't even danged looking at me!  And what me further angry is that he was probably chewing Dentyne Ice.  Without me.  Whatever.  Whatever.  Whatever.  Right, girls?  Right?  Who cares?  Right?  
He could not get away with this. (I thought at the time)

I'd have him begging for my attention!

So, what I did was this.  I ran at full speed screaming as if I were being chased by a bear, collapsing on his windshield, my bosom heaving, and looking longingly desperately into the car.  I think I said, "Oh my, I must have simply fainted.  Oh dear...what has become of poor, old me?"  But the car was empty.  How?  How could he have exited the car so quickly?  Especially on a parking lot, that if you'll excuse the clever simile, was as slippery as a skating rink!

You know, I have no idea why all those people were still in the parking lot, all watching me, all watching Edmund make a fool out of me, but they were.  I wished that I had worn my earmuffs because that may have stopped the haunting laughter, may have warmed the cold pain in my heart, and probably would have warmed my ears. 

That was enough of that!  I stomped back to the car, making careful attention to protect my dignity by only looking back twice to see if he had returned.  And there he was. He hadn't left his car at some kind of superspeed.  In fact, it seemed he had simply leaned over to get something out of his glove compartment.  As, I suspected...gloves.  Had I only laid across his car a moment longer! 

Irregardlessly, I had had had had enough for one afternoon of being mocked, of being made a spectacle of by the sorry denizens of this sorry, icy, red necked high school.  This time, back at the car, tired of looking like a fool, I carefully made my way through the driver's side window, but head first, with feet hanging out the back,  inched myself in, until my hands, braced on the seat allowed me to twist my torso into the car. 

Thankful that my feet were not stuck outside of the car too long for anyone to notice, I turned the key in the ignition, and slowly backed out while reaching for my Mormon brand "Sexless Red" lipstick.

The sound of steel crunching on ice was quickly followed by an ear splitting grind, like those tools that men use to fix the outside of cars.   Hoping to back away from whatever it was that had happened even more quickly, but worried what it could possibly could be, I followed my first instinct and stepped on the gas, while stomping on the brake.  In the rear view mirror, sparks had begun to fly as if from the depths of Hell.  My only options were to cry, sit in the car while looking confused, cry and sit in the car while looking confused, or get out and see what had happened.  With three options, I used my multiple choice test skills to narrow down my option to my best guess.


After crying for a while, and then sitting in the car looking confused, I began to wonder what possibly could have happened.   I jumped out again to have a look at the car.   Everything appeared to be fine.  It was only upon closer inspection that I realized all my tires were gone, and my heart warmed at the blackened bare rims.  Attached to the back of the car was a note, a Post-it-note, of the 3M variety, was a note, in Charlie's childish scribble.  "Stells, I've taken your tires to town to exchange them for snow tires.  Be back in half an hour or thirty minutes."

My throat suddenly felt strange; it tightened.    I'd been so used to taking absolutely everything in my life for granted, an eerie feeling came over me.  Could this possibly be what gratitude felt like?  No, something better!  Knowing that Charlie would likely be spending a good amount of time looking for tires made of snow, I had plenty of time to pretend not to notice that Edmund was still there.  This time, he was brooding, perched in the corner of an eye in a pine tree at the other end of the parking lot. His eccentric nature, as you girls know, was a Johnny Depp plus!

The End

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