This is a flash fiction work for a contest on another site. It requires 500 words or less and has to follow Tolodorov's Equilibrium. I am looking for feedback on whether I should enter this or edit this or whatever suggestions come along!
The summer air was warm against her face as she stood in the mist of the ocean waves. Inhaling, she took in the deep scents of the sea water. The sun was setting slowly in the distance, reflecting its powerful rays to the water below. She had longed to sit here among the stars and watch the tide rise effortlessly along the shore line. She was at peace in this place, where life seemed to slow down for a moment. She ran her fingers through her hair letting her golden curls bounce back effortlessly about her face.
She sat in the silence, reflecting on the days that led her to this moment. Her heartache and pain brushed off by those around her. Resentment consumed her. Unaware of the screaming that was erupting behind her; she saw the wall of water approaching. Ripping her out of her tired daydreams of success and wealth, she watched what she presumed was her death crash onto her like a concrete block.
The world was black and murky; her body was thrown about inside the liquid prison with no escape in sight. She tried to remain calm, a burning in her lungs from an intense need for air.
I’m going to die, she thought.
Panic set in as she thrashed beneath the wall of water. She was trapped, her functions slowing from lack of oxygen. In that moment she gave up. Sinking slowly into the liquid coffin she was confined to her arms drifted above my head. Her lungs began to release the agonizing pain with each breath that escaped them.
This is it, her mind was racing
The words were eerie in her bloated hollow skull. Her life flashed before my eyes playing like a bad movie in a dingy theatre. Ginger haired visions of her children laughing lingered momentarily before fading into the abyss beyond her burning eyes. The darkness became eternal as her mind shut down with every second.
* * *
A bright light flooded her vision as she came to. The room was cold and sterile, as most hospital rooms are. The panic she remembered feeling as she slipped deep into the ocean wave resurfaced begging her to get up, run.
“Where am I?” was all she could muster.
Her abused body ached with the slightest movement. She looked around becoming aware of the strange dark haired man sleeping on the red run down pull out bed. Startled she sat up.
Who is that? She was frantic looking for the exit.
He was at her bedside in a flash his handsome features were electrified with compassion as he detailed the rescue.
“It was a rogue wave,” he started “what were you doing on the beach?” concern riddled his face.
“Reflecting,” She answered, her chocolate eyes falling to her hands.
Silently she listened, thankful for this heroic man. Tears slipped down her cheeks. She looked into his deep eyes, falling into their comfort.
“Thank you” the words fell from her lips