Touring the Crypts

“Cook?!” Delilah exclaimed, “why I do a roast beef you wouldn’t believe”

 “And you should taste my steak” Bernice added.

 “Steak?!” Vlad exclaimed, instinctively holding a hand over his heart.

 He coughed to cover the moment,

 “sadly ladies I am a vegetarian, but of course if you are stranded please do feel welcome to my humble home”

Vlad indicated to the vast estate thinking perhaps the words humble home were something of an understatement.

 Moments later Vlad was almost knocked off his feet by the two ladies scrambling through the door.

 “oh my goodness its delightful!”

One screeched pulling out her camera and firing off shots wildly, the other rushed over to Vlad and pulled him determinedly into a hug which clamped his arms to his side.

“Look Delilah!” She called, “take one of me and the nice gentleman!”

 Vlad forced a smile onto his face and tried to ignore the fleshy neck pressed to the side of his face.

 “Oh my goodness” Delilah exclaimed “you must give us a tour of your wonderful home, mustn’t he give us a tour?!” Bernice nodded enthusiastically.

 “Erm, well” Vlad began, but the ladies seemed to have taken it upon themselves to begin their own tour and were chatting animatedly on the way to the crypts. Vlad looked in panic at the sky outside realising that in ten minutes or so his very hungry wife would be heading to her coffin for her daily sleep. He rushed in panic after his two houseguests to find them chatting over his fathers moss covered resting place.

 “Well that’s lovely isn’t it Bernice!”

 “Oh it is! The pretty writing on the top, what does it mean?” She asked turning to Vlad.

 “Erm, rest in peace” Vlad lied thinking the old family curse was best not translated.

 “Aww that’s lovely” Delilah smiled, “did it come with the house?”

 At that moment the ominous fluttering of bat wings began to grow closer from behind them. Vlad gazed at the ladies in panic.

The End

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