He turns the water on, all the way to hot, allowing it to carress his skin. The water comforts him with much needed affection, it's caring hands warming his body. The cold slowly begins to fade, and his heart is temporarily warmed.
The whirlwind of thoughts in his mind does not stop. It never stops. The countless burdens, expectations, worries, fears, temptations, painful thoughts... they all swirl in his mind and manifest into one entity which threatens his sanity. He feels weak... he feels tears pushing... the pressure of it all is simply too much for his heart to bear. It is crumbling under the leaden bricks which are constantly piling upon themselves...
Tears now join the warm water in carressing his body. He asks why. He pleads for God. He wonders if God hears him. He wonders if God could by some miracle lift these rain clouds.
Why does the sun not shine? Will it ever shine? Or will only a glimpse ever be caught?
It's all too much... too much hope at risk... too many expectations... too much to feel... too much to think about...
He thinks of her. There is only fear... he is afraid of hoping... he is afraid of her. He is like a cowering dog. Hoping that his owner will save him another beating.
They say that anything done out of love is beyond good and evil.
But how many before have tried and failed? How many have wasted their time? Their lives?
Are all these burdens a waste? Are they worth overcoming?
Or perhaps they are worth nothing...