When It RainsMature

Our buses all pulled out of the camp, we were heading to our next location. It was 12am by the time we had all been ready to go. I hadn't spoken to anyone since we had gotten off stage and since Janey had confronted me, I was sitting on the couch my forehead pressed against the window. We had a 6 hour drive ahead of us. Jack was sitting up with me while the others slept. He wasn't trying to talk or make me talk, he watched some late night chat show laughing lightly every now and again. I lay down on my side and began watching it too, a large woman wanted some weedy, sleazey looking guy to take a paternity test to prove he was her child's father, the child was clearly not his, her father was clearly not white. I sighed, usually I would laugh with Jack but tonight I felt sad. I kept thinking about ways that I could apologise to Janey, kept beating myself up for being so stupid in the first place. I didn't even find Jess attractive, I didn't like him in anyway except as a friend. I had been selfish and stupid and now my only girl friend wasn't speaking to me. I felt Jack lie down too, the top of his head resting against the top of my head. We both lay on our backs with our heads touching. I smiled a little, it was Jack's way of saying everything would be ok without having to break our silence.

I was glad to arrive at our new camp, I needed some fresh air. I wasn't the only one, everyone had come out of their buses, even though it was only half 6 in the morning. I saw Ger go off for a jog around the camp, I didn't look over towards Hot Pink's bus. I could hear Janey laughing which made me feel worse, I made me feel more miserable. Harry came over to us smiling, his frizzy hair swaying back and forth in the breeze.
"Can't believe this is the last camp", he said running a hand through his hair.
"Yeah, it's flown in", Jack agreed, "I'm gonna miss it".
I walked away leaving the guys to talk about moving on. The buses were parked in an empty car park, I could see the usual fencing on the perimeter, later on there would be kids hanging around outside it keeping an eye out for one of us. It was a few minutes walk to the stage, which was no different to any other stage. It was identical to the last stage, although most stages looked the exact same. I turned back when my stomach started rumbling with hunger. I would try convince Adam to come find an open cafe, I was dying for pancakes. As I got back to the bus Jack was standing at the door looking frantic, he let out a sigh when he saw me walking towards him.
"There you are!", he exclaimed.
"Seriously I was like half an hour", I said rolling my eyes.
"Yeah but we have an interview in 15", he said pulling me into the bus, "go get changed".
"Who the hell does interviews at 7 in the morning?", I asked Adam as we rummaged through our clothes.
"Some girl from Rolling Stone", he shrugged, he grabbed a tshirt and replaced the one he had on.
I pulled mine off and grabbed a black tank top. I pulled my hair into a bun and looked down at Jack who was on the phone talking quickly. My stomach rumbled again.
"Ugh I want breakfast", I groaned.
"Me too", Adam said, "let's skip this interview, run away and overdose on pancakes!".

The interview was the traditional tour set up, we were outside under a gazebo, the girl from the Rolling Stone sat across a plastic white table, we sat opposite her. Her dictaphone sat beside the ashtray, me Adam and Ben puffed on our cigarettes, Jack sipped on coffee. The interviewer had introduced herself as Amy, she had these long tanned legs that she crossed as she wrote, her chesnut hair hung in curls around her shoulders and she spoke with a Texan accent similar to Janey. I instantly didn't like her, I never liked journalists, I always felt suspicious as to what they were really after. I tried not to do a lot of talking in interviews anyway, Jack did most of that, Adam and Ben tended to chime in with funny remarks, I only answered questions that were directed only towards me and so I had formed a reputation for being a bitch.
"Shall we begin?", Amy smiled.
"Sure", Jack replied looking at us, we all nodded.
"Well, Caufield, it's been a while since we've heard from you guys. What's it like being back?", she asked, the smile still plastered onto her face.
"It's been great so far", Jack said sitting forward, "this tour was a great way to get us back into shape, we've had great support from fans and the other bands too".
"The new album isn't to be released for another 2 weeks", she said, "what material have you been performing?".
"A mixture, we've been playing the old album and a few songs off the new album to give our fans an idea of what to expect. It's a different sound, we decided that we needed to fine tune a few things, the music is cleaner, with a more definate sound", Jack replied, he had totally been practicing.
I watched Amy nod as Jack spoke, taking little notes. Their conversation went on for a little bit longer, and then she got down to what she really came to talk about.
"Well, Erin", she said still smiling, "your lyrics are usually quite dark, how did you go about writing the new album? What was your inspiration?".
I took a long drag out of the cigarette carefully thinking about my reply, her stupid smile was really starting to get to me. I placed the cigarette on the edge of the ashtray and exhaled the smiled back at her.
"I wouldn't say my lyrics are dark Amy", I said sweetly, "I use a lot of metaphors, sure when you listen to the song at first they might seem dark and depressing but if you were to actually listen to the songs you would find that most of the songs are quite hopeful. What makes my songs dark is people's perceptions of them".
I didn't have to look at Jack to know he was giving me the stop-being-a-bitch look, I knew Adam was laughing on the inside and Ben loved a good cat fight. So I continued, but I wasn't going to give Amy what she wanted.
"I would say that my lyrics are inspired by my own imaginings, there's no specific person or people that inspire what I write. If I want to write about fucking, I don't know, ice cream? I'll write about ice cream. In the end it doesn't really matter does it? People will take from it what they feel like taking from it".
I sat back in my seat and crossed my legs as Amy struggled to gather her thoughts. I felt I had handled that well but then her smile was back. That stupid smile.
"How long were you an air hostess for?", I asked her.
Adam and Ben started laughing and I even saw a smile creep onto Jack's face.

I pulled our toilet curtain across, really wishing we still had a door. It had started raining, it was the first day on the tour where it had rained. I hated the rain, it meant I couldn't be alone. Everybody was in the bus, well all of After Hours and us. Hot Pink had confined themselves to their bus, which only drew more attention to the fact that Janey and I weren't speaking. The tv was on and the guys were playing some game. Shouting in excitement, Dave had managed to knock over the coffee table along with cans of beer and glasses. I had to escape them, the roaring and general boyish behaviour was giving me a headache. I sat on the toilet and sighed. I felt so useless and bored, I pushed at the loose panel on the wall and slid it to the side. I smiled at my little naggin of vodka tucked safely away in the wall. I took two of my pills out of the bottle. I placed them on the systern and crushed them with the vodka bottle. I sorted the particles into a straight line and took a mouthful of the vodka. I lowered my head to the remains of the pills and snorted. I stood up and looked in the mirror, willing it to work. My pupils dialated but I felt nothing, I took another mouthful, still nothing. I felt the same except my throat was burning. I drank more, and more. Still there was nothing, no buzz, no happiness. I sat on the floor of the toilet and drank the rest of the bottle quickly. When it was empty I placed it beside me and rested my head in my hands. Then I felt the usual feeling, it just felt nicer. I felt the urge to go outside and run around, I giggled to myself then pulled myself up, I could still hear all the guys shouting and laughing. I poked my head around the curtain, they couldn't see me. I tip toed down the bus giggling to myself and opened the door, it was really pouring down now. I jumped down from the bus, smiling as I felt the rain pound off my skin. I wiggled my bare toes on the concrete and started running, I didn't know where I was running to but I wanted it to rain forever.

The End

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