Give Me What I WantMature

Me and Ryan had started building a sand castle, chatting and laughing as we did. I thought it would be weird if I told him about John, but he made it so easy and afterwards he moved on. I wasn't even suspicious of his motives, so many people had asked me questions just to tell other people. Ryan seemed genuinely interested, like he cared. I sat back on the sat and admired our lobsided attempt at the Disney castle.
"It looks nothing like it", I laughed.
He sat back aswell and tilted his head.
"Yeah you're right", he smiled, "well we tried!".
I stood up and stretched, still amazed that everyone else was still in the sea. It made me wish I could swim, well then again, if I could swim I wouldn't be spending time with Ryan.
"Hey", Ryan said.
I looked down at him.
"What does your tattoo say?", he asked pointing at my side.
I lifted my arm up and looked down at the script, my cheeks went red.
"Oh", I smiled, "eh..they're lyrics".
He crawled over to me and started reading my side, I held my arm up, not knowing where to put it. I felt my skin get warm as his eyes travelled down my side. When he finished he looked up and smiled.
"They're our lyrics", he said.
I nodded and put my arm back down and gave a little smile.
"They're beautiful", I said quietly looking down.
"So are...".
"DUDE THE WATER IS AWESOME!", Steve shouted running towards us.
Ryan looked at Steve, he looked embarrassed and I couldn't help but wonder what he was going to say next.

I rummaged through the bus throwing clothes out of the wardrobes and drawers, leaving everything tossed around. I opened every press in the kitchen and pushed food aside.
"Fuck", I muttered.
I sat down on the sofa with my head in my hands and shook my leg. I couldn't find my pills, I didn't have any left and it was less than 20 minutes until we went on stage. I started biting at my nails. Drink wouldn't do the trick I needed to take my pills. I could hear the crowd in the background screaming. I wanted my pills. I heard the door open down the other end of the bus and I sat up, grabbing the nearest magazine and started flicking through it.
"Hey Erin", it was Adam, "ehm...what happened in here?".
I looked up, trying to act casual.
"Oh", I replied, "I dunno it was like that when I came in".
He frowned at me before grabbing a towel off the floor. He looked around a bit more before looking at me again.
"Ok then", he said suspiciously, "well we're on in a few so we should go to the stage".
"Yeah I'll follow you out in a sec, just gonna use the toilet", I smiled.
He left then, but I knew he was waiting outside with some excuse as to why he didn't go to the stage. I went into the toilet, a curtain was now hanging where the door had been. I sat on the toilet, not actually needing to go. Suddenly I had a brainwave, I got off the toilet and knelt on the floor reaching in behind the toilet. I felt a small plastic bag and pulled it out. My stomach leapt, pills. I took two out and swallowed them. I looked in the mirror, 15 minutes and they'd be in my system. 10 minutes until the show, I took another one out and without hesitation threw it in my mouth and swallowed.

Ryan's POV
I decided to go down and watch Erin and the guys perform tonight. I arrived about half way through their set and stood in the wings watching. They had finished their song when Erin put the microphone back in the stand and started talking.
"How is everyone tonight?", she shouted.
The crowd responded with a scream, I watched her laugh and take a drink out of a plastic bottle. My brain said water, my gut, well my gut screamed vodka. She winced a bit when she swallowed and my gut won.
"What do you think of my boys?", she asked gesturing to Adam, Jack and Ben.
The crowd screamed another reply.
"They're sexy aren't they?".
Another scream, some "OHMYGODILOVEYOU's, but mostly just screams, all the words combining into a united sound of teenage girls, the boys were drowned out. Then they started performing again, I watched her run around the stage, she certainly was an energetic performer. Then, her tshirt was off and in the audience. I laughed a little at the image of the kids scrambling over one another for the shirt but the look on the band's face reminded me. This was not Erin. They ended the song after Erin finding her way on top of the biggest amp.
"Goodnight guys!", she said into the mic before being helped down by Jack.
"That was great guys", I smiled as they ran off the stage, Ben throwing his sticks out.
"Thanks", Jack said a little sullenly as he held on to Erin, "come on Erin, let's go to the bus".
"No!", she exclaimed pulling away from him, "hey Ryan!".
She hugged me and swayed from side to side. I patted her back lightly before she pulled away looking into my eyes.
"I seemed to have lost my top", she laughed, "but don't worry, I'll go back and...OH NO! I left my bottle on stage".
"It's fine Erin, leave it", Jack said pulling her away.
"No I want it back", she whined trying to hold her ground.
"You can't go back onto the stage", Jack snapped a little, "come on".
He pulled her away, she waved back at me smiling stupidly. I swallowed, I couldn't speak. She was me.

Erin's POV
"WHAT THE FUCK IS YOUR PROBLEM!?", I yelled at Jack when we came back to the bus.
Adam and Ben were sitting on the couch, Adam biting his nails and Ben resting his head in his hands.
"My problem?", Jack said throwing me a tshirt, "I am not the one with the problem Erin".
"I don't have a...", I said pulling the top on.
"Erin come on", Ben said from the couch, "wake up".
I stared at Ben gobsmacked. I didn't have a problem. I didn't.
"My doctor gave me those pills", I snapped.
"To take according to the directions", Adam said quietly, "not whatever way you want".
"What the fuck is this?", I said angrily glaring at my three band mates, "pick on Erin day, go fuck yourselves".
"Erin we're worried about you!", Jack said, his voice pleading with me.
None of them looked at me, they looked at the floor or at each other. I was breathing heavily, feeling so angry.
"You're not coping", Adam said finally, "you're not healthy, you're drinking to...".
"You know what I don't care", I snapped, "I'm going to watch After Hours, don't fucking follow me".
I stormed out of the bus slamming the door behind me. I walked towards the stage, I didn't really want to watch After Hours I wanted to find a bar and a guy and forget about Jack and Ben and Adam, my so called support system. I wandered out through the band entrance, past the security. I wandered down the street lighting a cigarette and wishing I had brought a jacket.
I turned and saw Jess running towards me waving. I smiled and waved back.
"Hey Jess", I said when he caught up with me, "what's up?".
"Was on my way to get some food", he said putting his hands in his pockets, "I'm sick of burgers".
"Me too", I smiled inhaling my cigarette.
"Wanna join me?", he asked.
I thought about it for a few minutes then looked up at him, he had really blue eyes, I had never noticed before.
"Yeah I'd love to", I replied.

I had had a few drinks at dinner. Just enough to make me feel better again, Jess and I swayed our way back to the site. We walked by the security guards who watched us try and remember which way the buses were. I saw the buses in the distance, all the lights were out in them. Then I remembered we were moving tomorrow. I groaned and stopped.
"What's up?", Jess asked stopping aswell.
"Sick of those stupid buses", I said wiggling my finger towards them.
I turned and looked at him, he wasn't really my type, but suddenly I wanted to kiss him. Jess didn't stop me from doing anything, he was a nice person.
"I've never kissed a guy with a beard before", I said quietly looking up at him.
He grinned and pulled me close to him and kissed me. I deepened the kiss pushing myself against him. His hand creeped up my top to my bra. I moan as he slipped his hand under my bra. He took his hand away and stopped kissing me.
"We can't do this here", he said.
I looked around and pulled him towards the stage. We ran up the steps and then started kissing again. I didn't like the beard, it was only stubble but it annoyed my skin. I didn't care though. I felt numb, the beard felt horrible, the sex felt wrong, but I could feel it.

The End

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