Today I love you...

Today I love you... but tomorrow I won't.  Is that because you will do something or will I be the one that does something that will prevent me from loving myself and you by virtue of that.

Perhaps I will wake up and look at you and wonder where my life has gone and resent you for your part in it.  Perhaps I will wake up, look at you and realize how much I love you and know that I cannot hurt you anymore.

Part of me wants to wake up, write you a note and walk out the door to whatever is to happen but the other part of me wants to stay here with you.

Part of me wants to find a way to hate you so you won't stay - so you won't hate me for what is to come.  Part of you wants you to love me because I'm having trouble loving myself right now.

Today I love you.. but tomorrow I won't - because I can't. You see I am dying and I don't want you to hurt by going through this with me. I love you too much to allow you to deteriorate by standing by my side going through this with me. You are valiant, honorable and courageos and will do the right thing - but I don't want you to. I don't want this illness to kill both of us.

I am not strong enough to watch the light go out in your eyes as you watch it go out in mine.  I love you enough to let you go and not make you go through this.  Will you love me enough to let me go?

Today I love you... but tomorrow I won't - I can't or it will kill me before I die...


The End

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