Mr Hobart's private place
I feel myself falling, falling through pitch black. Falling through time, falling for what seemed an eternity. I'm suddenly brought back to the here and now, with an Almighty crash as I land head first. It takes me a few seconds to regain my senses and even longer for my eyes to adjust.
Eventually, I'm able to see a few feet in front of me, I look up at the fall I've just taken. It seems hard to believe that it was only about an eight foot drop. It seemed like i was falling for an age. I check myself to make sure I'm uninjured and i find a small cut above my right eye. Not a serious problem, but an inconvenience.
I turn to take in my new surroundings, it's hard to make anything out in this light. a flash of a shadow catches my eye and i suddenly remember where i am. Mr Hobart's bathroom, well underneath it anyhow. I back in to the corner and reach for my gun. It 's then that i realize my gun's missing, i must of lost it in the fall. It must be around somewhere, on the floor nearby. I feel my back against the wall and a tickle on my shoulder. I freak out, (as sad as it is I'm petrified of spiders). i take a step away from the wall and the tickle fallows me, moving up over my shoulder. I turn to face it and instead of the fearsome spider i expect, i find a thin nylon cord. Curiosity has always been weakness of mine, i pull the cord.
And
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It's a shame its just the two of us adding posts, i think if other people were to get involved the story has a lot of potential. not that im displeased with the direction its taken."
Can I follow? - give me a few hours and I'll add"
his neighbour heard a noise,
its a half naked child Hobart was abusing"
Mostly, I think grammar is hard to learn in an academic way. The best way is to read an awful lot, and examine the way writers put things as you read, thinking about how and why they've written it like that. It gets easier with practice. I try to do this myself.
Not sure I could correct an entire book (don't have the skills required) - although lots here will offer pointers.
Like lots of people I'm time poor. Unfortunately not cash rich tho lol.
Thanks bfd :D"
But ideas and plot great - interesting and I'm enjoying reading it :D"