protagonize: interactive fiction & collaborative story writing community
Get more out of Protagonize! Login or sign up as member.

splitting headache

i walk into the front room, and there sitting on the sofa staring at me is Hobart. "you couldn't get me a glass of water and some neurofen could you mate?" he asks. I'm to shocked to speak, am i dreaming? hallucinating? or am i just going crazy? "Hello" he calls out, "i need the pain killers for my headache, and the water to wash them down" he says, "tablets are on the top self, behind the coffee pot". For some reason i find my self actually walking to the kitchen, the smell in here is even worse. It smells like one of those greasy road side cafés that the truckers use. the sides and worktops are covered in a thick film of fat. my gloves stick to everything. i find the tablets and an empty glass, it was on the draining board but still looked filthy to me. i run the tap for a few seconds. i take my gloves of and splash the cold water on my face. i hope that it will wake me up and ill find that it is all a dream. i fill the glass and go back to the front room. Hobart is sitting with his head in his hands, "what took you so long?" he asks. i hand him the tablets and the water, "you do know you're dead?" i ask him. "if I'm dead then why am i sitting here drinking a glass of water?" he replies. i don't know what to say to him, I'm staring at his chest when he takes another drink. "look, there" i point to the whole in his chest where the bullet entered. There is water dribbling out down his front. "Oh, i guess you could be right" he sighs, "that shouldn't happen." i go to the bathroom and fetch the shaving mirror from the bracket on the wall. "Look" i tell him "there is a hole in your head as well." He studies the bullet wound for a few minutes, "well i never"  he exclaims. "did you know i saw a white light, i was walking to wards it and then it disappeared. The next thing, i have a splitting headache and I'm sitting here." A white light? now i don't believe in god or heaven and i don't believe in no white light. what Hobart saw was probably the flash from my gun. "Why?" he asks,"why did you do this?" 

0.00
0

RATE THIS BRANCH!

horriblemediocredecentgreatspectacular
NOT YET RATED
Please login to rate this branch!

POST A COMMENT

Please login to post a comment.

9 COMMENTS ABOUT THIS STORY RSS

protagonize: author profile thumbnail for seldom ":) got you."
protagonize: author profile thumbnail for bfd "sorry that was not the plot. just some ideas one for each new branch. front door closes as neighbour comes in. the noise is a small child, or you enter the bathroom and find a false wall. etc. didnt even think about it as a plot just thought if people have ideas they might write a branch"
protagonize: author profile thumbnail for bfd "when did i????"
protagonize: author profile thumbnail for seldom "argh - don't give the plot away! ;)"
protagonize: author profile thumbnail for seldom "Thanks! Lol but if I was that great I would be a published writer already. We're all learning here. Yeah, I'd love to do a course. Maybe I should look into that too - it's a good idea.
Mostly, I think grammar is hard to learn in an academic way. The best way is to read an awful lot, and examine the way writers put things as you read, thinking about how and why they've written it like that. It gets easier with practice. I try to do this myself.
Not sure I could correct an entire book (don't have the skills required) - although lots here will offer pointers.
Like lots of people I'm time poor. Unfortunately not cash rich tho lol.
Thanks bfd :D
"
protagonize: author profile thumbnail for bfd "Thanks for the advice seldom, really appreciate it. talk about beginners mistakes. lol! i just get so involved i forget spelling, punctuation and grammer. The most annoying part, is that my stories pretty much suck when i read chapters like yours. you can tell straight away that you know what you are doing. i'm going to look into a creative writing course. you put me to shame. i'm in the process off writing a book based on my experiances as a doorman/ bouncer. it would be great if you could find the time to read what i have written, correct mistakes and add your own ideas. obviously when it's published and is a number 1 best seller it will be co-written by the both of us!"
protagonize: author profile thumbnail for seldom "Oops sorry - I mean bfd. This is a fun story - I enjoyed adding. :D"
protagonize: author profile thumbnail for seldom "This branch was harder to read bdf, because it's a big chunk of close text. Needs paragraphs and new paras for speech too.

But ideas and plot great - interesting and I'm enjoying reading it :D
"

STORY TAGS

STORY POPULARITY

Liked this story? You might like this too:
excerpt from Assault on San Diego   by RUFRAID

RELATED STORIES RSS

Last Adventure of The Hunter

A Palm's Pastmature

Apocalypse: Internetmature

Death in Singsong

Are you Afraid?

BY THE SAME AUTHOR RSS

THE GOODS

STORY CATEGORIES

Support This Site

SPREAD THE WORD!