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blood angels

    Mr Hobart's not there.

    I can't take it in. I stare at the patch of filthy carpet where he should be, resisting an urge to bend down and touch it with my hand. No way I want to touch that thin pile, scuffed and stained and tacky under my feet.

    He was dead, I know he was.

    Where the hell is he?

    There's someone else here.

    This last thought forces my eyes up away from the empty carpet, and pulls me back close to the wall, my hand reaching for the gun. I'm moving slowly, quietly now, even though it's too late. If someone else is watching - has seen: If someone has managed to move a huge whale of a dead guy without me hearing, seeing or even being the slightest bit aware of them, then they've already got the upper hand.

    My neck itches, prickles, and I have the nasty feeling I'm being watched. It's my turn to be the helpless one and I know how they felt; all those other Mr. Hobarts. I recognize their shock and fear and frustration, seeing it in myself. Their rage at the unfairness of it; the way little kids are heart-broken by injustice. All those 'why's'.

    Why me? Why now? WHY!

    Some of them, they got down on their knees and begged, tears trailing, noses running, their eyes pleading with me; offering me everything and anything to turn around and walk away.

    I've never walked away.

    Come on. I wouldn't get paid, would I?  Same as you if you don't do your job.

    Besides, the ones that beg are not the worst thing about this job. The worst are the quiet ones; those that have stared at me, dead-eyed and so tired, so utterly resigned.

    I remember...

    Something catches my eye, a movement in the darkest, furthest corner of the hall, near the door to what I take to be the bathroom. A slow movement, a sliding shadow, smoothly flowing like a ripple of water.

    I turn the gun toward it, and take a step like the gun's a shield, held in front of me. Like I'm really safe behind it. I wish I could put down the bag without making myself even more of a target. Then I change my mind, because what if I left it and it vanished too? 

    I move slowly down the hall. Nothing happens, but I don't let that fool me into overconfidence. I know all about waiting for the perfect moment, I've done it a hundred times. You wait until they relax. Someone could be waiting for me to do the same.

    The bathroom door is a dark rectangle in front of me. It is a bathroom, because I can now see the tiles on the floor; thick with grime, like everything else in the Hobart residence.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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9 COMMENTS ABOUT THIS STORY RSS

protagonize: author profile thumbnail for seldom ":) got you."
protagonize: author profile thumbnail for bfd "sorry that was not the plot. just some ideas one for each new branch. front door closes as neighbour comes in. the noise is a small child, or you enter the bathroom and find a false wall. etc. didnt even think about it as a plot just thought if people have ideas they might write a branch"
protagonize: author profile thumbnail for bfd "when did i????"
protagonize: author profile thumbnail for seldom "argh - don't give the plot away! ;)"
protagonize: author profile thumbnail for seldom "Thanks! Lol but if I was that great I would be a published writer already. We're all learning here. Yeah, I'd love to do a course. Maybe I should look into that too - it's a good idea.
Mostly, I think grammar is hard to learn in an academic way. The best way is to read an awful lot, and examine the way writers put things as you read, thinking about how and why they've written it like that. It gets easier with practice. I try to do this myself.
Not sure I could correct an entire book (don't have the skills required) - although lots here will offer pointers.
Like lots of people I'm time poor. Unfortunately not cash rich tho lol.
Thanks bfd :D
"
protagonize: author profile thumbnail for bfd "Thanks for the advice seldom, really appreciate it. talk about beginners mistakes. lol! i just get so involved i forget spelling, punctuation and grammer. The most annoying part, is that my stories pretty much suck when i read chapters like yours. you can tell straight away that you know what you are doing. i'm going to look into a creative writing course. you put me to shame. i'm in the process off writing a book based on my experiances as a doorman/ bouncer. it would be great if you could find the time to read what i have written, correct mistakes and add your own ideas. obviously when it's published and is a number 1 best seller it will be co-written by the both of us!"
protagonize: author profile thumbnail for seldom "Oops sorry - I mean bfd. This is a fun story - I enjoyed adding. :D"

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