Those Nights

It's one of those nights again. Impossible, right?

Wrong.

More wrong than I could've ever imagined. These nights used to rule my life over a year ago. Sleepless... depressing.. negative in every sense of the word.  You know the kind. They've come back to haunt me after all this time. It doesn't even matter now that they stopped to begin with. It would've been better if they had just continued throughout the year, becoming progressively worse and worse. At least then I wouldn't have to deal with this terrible world-ripped-from-under-my-feet feeling.

This looming fear from the horror flick last night is no help... Now I'll really suffer from insomnia.

Oh well...

Why should I care when I know what's going to happen anyway? I can see it perfectly... there's no alternative. At least not in my mind.. I might as well stop trying to be positive and face the situation as it is. Hopeless, hopeless, hopeless. I'd hoped to shake this feeling by calling up my old friend. Of course it's my luck that she didn't answer. I laid in bed for a while, trying to figure out what to do... I felt so empty. 

Sure as hell not gonna get any sleep...

I grabbed my iPod and the phone, incase my friend called back. I headed to the computer, wondering what to do. I needed to do some serious venting through writing. I had not done so in over a year.. And here I sit, typing these very words which you are reading: My poor, ill attempt at trying to keep my sanity...

So, here I am again. Will I be betrayed this time? I really did believe she was the one. The one. Well, I thought so with the others too, but this time I had good reason to believe. Now it seems my efforts are reduced to a smouldering pile of useless ashes. Or perhaps my hope is still burning away, crying black tears as this relentless fire engulfs it whole...

Help me, God...

The End

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