"Hallelujah!" you yell, nearly wetting yourself. "My beloved Father God, look at what I've been dealt! I've just met a girl with tremendous potential! The degree that she's opened my heart's exponential when compared with all others. She's smothered my senses. This love won't relent. Will you accept some repentance? I know she's the one, but she's oddly selective."
BE MINDFUL MY CHILD. YOU HAVE LOST YOUR PERSPECTIVE. I WAS ONCE YOUR PROVIDER, YOUR ADHERER TO SANITY, YOUR GUIDE AND PROTECTOR, YOUR SPIRITUAL CANOPY. HOW EASILY TWISTED YOUR SOUL IS BY VANITY. THE GREED YOU SUCCUMBED TO DEBASES AND SADDENS ME.
"Lord please forgive me, I... "
NO INTERRUPTIONS. YOU GREW UP IN CHURCH, YOU SHOULD KNOW HOW THIS FUNCTIONS. THE SCRIPTURE OF JOB I WOULD HAVE YOU RECALL -- THE TORTURE AND ILLNESS I ALLOWED TO BEFALL HIMSELF AND HIS LOVED ONES BY LUCIFER'S WORKINGS. YET AMID HIS ORDEAL MY DEAR JOB NEVER CURSED ME. HIS FAITH WAS UNWAVERING, HIS COURAGE YOU LACK, AND ON YOU ETERNALLY, I MUST NOW TURN MY BACK.
Now hold on a second! I beseech thee! Be true! says, suddenly, Lucifer! out of the blue. Abandon him will you? You're inane as can be! As I recollect, you did the same thing to me! I never recovered when you had me expelled. It's so claustrophopically lonely in Hell! And as for the Job thing: inappropriate reference. You and I both agreed on those terms as a preface. But poor C.T. here you exposed to my fire, and about this occurrence we did not conspire.
MOST PITIFUL LUCY, YOUR AUDACITY FAILS YOU. IT PAINED ME AS MUCH AS THE CROSS I WAS NAILED TO TO BANISH YOU FROM MY CLOSED CIRCLE OF HEAVEN -- YOU, THE MOST PERFECT AND GRAND OF MY BRETHREN. BUT LIKE YOUNG C.T. HERE, YOU NEEDED A LESSON. WITH NO LIMITATION TO YOUR LUST FOR POSSESSION, I COULD NOT ALLOW YOU TO SPREAD YOUR INFECTION TO THE REST OF MY ANGELS AND CAUSE MASS DEFECTION. REGARDING YOUR LONELINESS, YOU FEEL ME COLD MAYBE? HOWEVER I PROMISE, I NOTE YOUR PAIN DAILY. GO FORTH AND ASSAIL ME, GO FORWARD AND HATE ME; BUT I DO NOT DARE HELP YOU, FOR YOU SHALL BETRAY ME.
"Excuse me," you say. "This is all fascinating, but who's going to grant me the hand of the lady?"
YOU DISOBEYED BOTH OF US!
Exacted your will!
I DEMANDED YOUR FAITHFULNESS!
I commanded you kill!
I WILL GRANT YOU ONE CHANCE AT THIS RIGHTEOUS GIRL'S HAND. SUCCESS WILL ABSOLVE YOU. DO YOU UNDERSTAND? BUT IN FAILURE, YOU'RE DAMNED, ALL THE WHILE I'LL OBSERVE YOU.
And I shall oppose you. This much, I assure you!