This SucksMature

I'm not feeling very creative with this summary right now...but basically this is a story about me and my college life as a vampire...A real vampire. And about a girl...A real girl. Who happens to be a vampire as well. The only problem is that each of us didn't know that the other was a vampire...and both decided early on that we wanted to bite the other and turn them in to a vampire... I'm sure THAT went over well... I guess you'll have to read and see...

PS-The title is temporary...I just wasn't in the mood to come up with anything.
And this was originally started as kind of a joke...a parody about all of this vampire craze that's going on right now. Which many are in to...but not me...

I don't understand why everyone has to make such a big deal about us vampires. I mean, all this stuff about us nearly looking albino, yet somehow still being sexy. How we are so manly, yet we glitter in the sun like a little girl's barbie doll's jewlery. "Oh look, here comes Tinkerbell, tossing glittery fairy dust all over me...damn, I've never looked so handsome in my life. But wait a second...I can't fly...BITCH, WHY CAN'T I FLY???" I just don't get it. Honestly, being a vampire isn't all that great. There's all these rumors people spread about us, but to tell you the truth, most of them aren't even true. I have a fuckin reflection in the mirror. Stab me with a stake, and yes, I'll die. But who the hell wouldn't??? And that garlic nonsense? No, that's a bunch of bullshit. I mean, I don't really like the smell of garlic, so it's not like I'll enjoy being around you when you're wearing that damn garlic necklace...but one is going to want to be around you. We live, we don't fuckin live forever. I just got maybe an extra hundred years on you. But that's only if I live an amazingly healthy life(and when all you drink is blood, it's hard to get all your needed vitamins. Man, I have to take so many pills!) Seriously though, I'm more likely to die in a car accident than live that long. Or die from one of you dumbfucks stabbing me through the heart with a stake. Other than that, I guess I'm a bit stronger than the normal male. I mean, not much though. I guess I'm basically as buff as a professional football player, but I don't have to work out, and I don't even look all that buff. Arnold Swartzineger could beat the shit out of me any day though. Hands down. I've never really thought of what it would be like if a vampire took steroids...Damn that would be one strong dude...or chick, I guess.

Now let's be honest, when you think of "vampire" you automatically think of a guy, right? Probably some completely white dude with an evil smirk, fangs, and blood dripping from them. And he's also wearing some fancy cape. Count Draculla? Is that who you're seeing? What about the Count from the Muppets? That's who I'm seeing. I always thought he was the coolest character in that show. Everyone's like "Hell no, Elmo was the shit", or maybe Bert and Ernie. But Count Draculla was always my favorite. Plus, he's the one who taught me to count all the way to 69. And that's my favorite number. Anyway, most kids are checking out the ninja turtles or power rangers, and they're like "THAT'S ME! THAT'S WHO I WANT TO BE WHEN I GROW UP! THE PINK POWER RANGER! AND THEN I WANT TO MOVE TO SAN FRANCISCO!" But I was always different than the other guys...The Count was MY hero. I wanted to be him when I grew up. And look, here I am, 20 years old, and I'm a fuckin vampire. Who would have thought. Of course, now that I'm actually a vampire, I'd rather be Leonardo from the Ninja Turtles. Dammit, I wish I was smarter as a kid and set better dreams for myself.

What else? Uh...The whole thing about us being super fast, with super fast reflexes and all that. No...not me at least. I'm not going to lie, I've done a few things in my life that may have slowed my brain down a bit, but even the normal vampire isn't all that much faster than a normal human. I don't understand why I'm seeing all these previews on the television of this vampire dude who's running through a forest at like a hundred miles an hour WHILE carrying this chick on his back...what the hell? I wish I could do that.

Anyway...wait a second, I swear I had a reason behind writing all of this. I just need to remember it. I mean, I guess I just want to tell my story. And where does this story start...Well, remember how I pointed out that every one imagines a dude when they think about vampires? That's how this story begins.

It all started with this girl. Yeah, that's how it always starts. When I met this girl, I obviously just assumed she wasn't a vampire. I always thought that when I met another vampire, I would know. And that he'd be another guy. But I always thought that I'd have like this 6th twins have. Like I'd look the guy in the eyes and something invisible would hit me across the head and be like "THAT DUDE IS A VAMPIRE, JUST LIKE YOU!" But you see, that didn't happen when I met this chick. In fact, I just assumed she was a normal human with a sexy british accent. I wish I was british.

So I met her on the 14th day of college. You probably would have expected it to be on the first day. Only problem is that I moved in to the dorms a couple weeks late. There was an error in my paperwork or something. Anyway, so it was MY first day of college, but it wasn't the college's first day of college...or her's. The first time I saw her, she was in the hall, talking to some smart looking asian guy, and honestly the first thing I thought after hearing her talk was "Why the hell did this girl leave Britain to come to this shit hole?" I didn't ask her that though. In fact, I didn't even walk up to her or join the conversation. I'm kind of shy at first. Anyway, I naturally assumed that she was human, and my instinct told me that she would definitely be the first girl in college that I would turn in to a vampire. Why? Because of her accent. Duh.

Anyway, I'm bored, so I guess I'll let her write for a while. We're friends now, by the way. I hope that didn't ruin the whole story for you...because that's how it ends.

...I think. Shit.

The End

1 comment about this story Feed