As the infamous yoututbe channel would say, this is 'How it Should Have Ended'.
FRD looked at Tuck.
“Dude... did we really just spend all this time fighting over a girl?”
“I...” Tuck answered “dude, why do we even need her? We’re made for more than this... we’re made for each other.”
“Yeah, but not only that. Do you ever feel like... I dunno, I feel like I would make a brilliant captain of a ship. I’d be... Jim, named after my mother’s father, because Tiberius would have been stupid...”
“I know exactly what you mean!” Tuck had completely forgotten about the car headed straight for them. “I feel like I should... I dunno, be a point man in infiltrating people’s dreams or something... not fighting over some really annoying girl.”
“Oh god, she’s the worst, right?”
Lauren stood in the middle of them, completely not paying attention to their conversation as she was the only one who’d remembered to pay attention to Heinrich’s car, headed straight for them.
“You guys need to shoot the headlights! It will set off the airbag-“
“Is that really how they made her likeable?” asked FRD. “I mean, let’s make her know about different models of cars, it’s like an even worse version of Megan Fox in Transformers. Except this one is so much more fucking annoying.”
Tuck looked at FRD. “I love you man, I can’t believe we fought over her, when it’s been you this whole time.”
“I know bro, me too.”
At this they simultaneously kneeled down to get in line with the headlights, and shot them, initiating the airbag. The car veered out of control and came hurtling towards Lauren.
“Listen, Lauren,” said FRD, “before you make your decision, you should know, neither of us want you. We’re... all we need is each other.”
She looked incredulously at him.
But before she could answer, the car smashed into her and knocked her off the edge of the unfinished motorway.
The boys both watched her body fly away, laughed, and then walked away from the scene holding hands, to go live their lives as Captain Kirk and Eames.