I suppose you could relate war to relationships. In a bad relationship there is conflict, tension and in the end someone surrenders or loses the argument.
Remember the `good olee days`? The ones where war was frowned upon and there was no tension even in the smallest of towns. Yeah? Well I wish they were back again also. However, life goes on and bad things happen.
Fortunately, we learn how to move on. Everyone dreaded the day, that the loud outbreak of a deafening ring would break the tense silence, like a creaking floorboard in an empty house.
I remember the lies and deceit running through my veins, when the words kept flowing out of my mouth. "I want to go, I need to go. This has been my dream since forever!" However, the words I felt deep, in the pit of my stomach, couldn't have been more different. My feelings were more along the lines of "I can't go, I don't want to go. This is my worst nightmare!"
The lies, the deceit.
As I entered the town hall, the amount of mixed emotions that were running through my mind were colossal. The lights, to me, were blinding. My vision was blurred from the cloudy tears streaming down my face. Not because I was nervous, scared, or even excited. Purely because I didn't want to leave my family, my life behind, especially with the dreaded outcome, the one that not a single person wanted to even think of, let alone have the `pleasure` of reminiscing. DEATH.
There was a surprising amount of people, cramped, packed tightly, like sardines in a tin, in the local hall. Oddly, they're looking perfectly normal, like this is an everyday thing. Like there's nothing to be scared of, like they'll just come back with no scars, emotional or physical. I couldn't see, how they could be so sturdy, prepared, and not at all petrified. I felt like I was the only one who felt this terrible. I felt the size of an ant, so small, so tender, and so weak. I detested this feeling so much, but not even the thought of my family, my childhood, reminiscing the wonderful memories, could bring a slight smile to my face.
The weight of the world was lifted off my shoulders. Well, that's what I felt, when I walked out of the Town Hall. Chuffed. That was one of my many emotions. I was chuffed with myself for going through with the sign up. There were many choices for me to take. Well, I suppose they were limited, but I chose the brave option, the one that showed lack of cowardice. To fight.
Loud Shouting. Dreaded gun fires. Ear piercing screaming. Deafening explosions. Thick, dark, cloudy fog.
I sat here, with my back squelched up against the mud of the trench wall, scared out of my skin. I was an ant, getting rained on by the heavy showers of bullets and bombshells. Without that cover, without that slight protection, I would have been a goner. "Morning my love. I've made you a cuppa." "DADDY (: “Over, and over, and over, and over again these phrases, said every morning, were running through my mind. My thoughts of war, death, and generally depressive thoughts were interrupted by the flashbacks of everyday life. The ones, where your wife woke you up in the morning, by whispering I love you in my ear, with a kiss on the forehead. When she tucks you up in bed at night, and the last thing you hear at the end of the day, is "I love you" with her calm and loving voice. Even when you're ill and she makes you your favourite meal, and waits on you hand a foot, even when she knows you're all better, and you can tell that she knows with the cheeky smile she wears all day, every day, no matter how upset she is.
* * * *
The pain my arms went through was agonising. The forward and backwards motion I had to repeat continually, firing and reloading the gun. This, along with the smell of the deathly gasses and the dead bodies, the sight of people being shot and killing others, the touch of the heavy gun and the squelching mud. Also, the taste of sweat and blood trickling down my face, into my mouth and slowly slithering, its way down my throat.
If looks could kill. That was about the only thought running through my mind as I stared straight into the eyes of German soldier. I can remember his mousy brown hair just poking out of the edge of his helmet. He held his stare like his life depended on it, then gradually a filthy smirk crawled across his face as a deafening explosion spurted mud, covering me from head to toe. The force threw me back into the trench, all around me I could hear screams, blasting my ear :
"GET UP SOLIDIER, GET UP WE NEED YOU"
I was oblivious to their pleads, I was far away in my own dream world. It was serene and a place I had longed to be for such a long time, we were sat in the park, a red checked cloth laid over the emerald grass, cucumber sandwiches cut neatly into triangles, French fancies like present wrapped in pristine pink icing, and ribboned with white swirls.
I watched as Sadie laughed, Lucas laughing back, they both meant everything to me, yet I couldn’t imagine them snatched away from me because of one wrong move or careless thinking, I had to do this for them. I returned to the real world at rapid pace, I was ready for this, everyone had left to fight up front apart from one sat huddled with his head in his lap, I held his shoulder as he looked up at me, tears pouring from his jewelled eyes, I softly said to him three solemn words "for your country" then climbed up the ladder and fought for my babies.
I reminisce these memories from time to time, the thrill of fighting, the determination to defeat, the thrill of the chase. I look back on it as a part of my life that in the beginning I was scared and anxious to sign my name on the sheet of paper stating "sign up for war, we need you" yet now I feel that I have served my country, I contributed to defeating the people who put us in fear for so long. The most memorable part was Sadie’s face as I walked through the front door; the smell of blueberry muffins consumed the room. I contributed to defeating the people who put us in fear for so long.
The most memorable part was Sadie’s face as I walked through the front door; the smell of blueberry muffins consumed the room with its sensuous and mouth watering smell. I called her name softly, she turned round and a gleaming smile stretched across her face as she ran to me, caressing my cheek, holding me tight.
We stood there for a while our hands binded together by love our bodies entwined with each others. Her scent of perfume wafting past me as I leant and kissed her neck gently, then I whispered in her ear vital words which I meant with every breath I took.
“I’m home now”
She looked at me and smiled, I knew then that the many hours I had spent away from my precious family were being repaid in that one moment.