This part started in my Science class, my Freshman year of high school. I'm starting then because everything before that was a tragic waste of time, when it comes to love.
Eddie told me that I should ask her to the dance. Compliance isn't a good way to start a relationship, apparently. Alice was her name, and she was my second 'attempt' at getting a girl. The first was part of the whole "waste of time" thing. My plan was to talk, and win her over with my irresistable personality.
There was a lot I didn't know about my personality.
Then, there was the dance. We weren't actually dating, but we were both there, and we started to dance. She didn't have the eyes, or the hair, or the supermodel body that my television upbringing told me to want, but she had innocence, and she had more than anyone you ever damn well knew. She was small, and had the little cute voice to go with it, and she didn't have a fly swatter because she couldn't bring herself to kill. She had this shirt, this dark-colored tee that said, "lovely" with two hands making a heart on it, and for some reason it just made me happy when she wore it, but the night of the dance, she was wearing this dress, a shade of green that you couldn't name unless you were an interior designer, and a pair of red flat shoes. We danced to fast songs, and slow songs, and neither of us were any good but we didn't care, and I looked into her eyes and they looked the way that you just can't explain, but it makes your heart jump out a mile from your chest and you just can't do anything but smile. And she smiled, and for those moments, my life was flooded with an apathy you can only get when you just want to be with someone...
That night, my mind raced, and a million ways she could say yes raced through my mind, and on the next Monday, I was sitting in my desk, right next to hers, thinking of the perfect thing to say, and instead popped out:
"You know, I just don't know how to ask you to be my girlfriend."
She waited a day, and shot me down. Out in the hallway, a locker dented under my fist as I screamed in pain, and fell to the ground, using all of my energy just not to cry. I went through the last two classes, not saying a word, just losing all of my hope and all of my self-esteem through the hole in my heart, and as soon as I got off of school grounds, my eyes opened up. Through the tears, I knew that it was my fault, because you just can't blame anything on little, innocent Alice, and I lost myself in depression.