I don't get it! And I hate it! I hate that I can't fix it, I hate that I can't even help or even know where to start to help! Urgh!
I've left all my old friends, the ones I loved like my sisters, who I told everything to, who I gossiped with, who I trusted above all my family. I'm not with them for any lessons anymore, some are at college and I'm on my own. Well, no I've never been on my own. I have new friends, obviously but I have very little in common with them. I mean, Star Wars and Doctor Who? Not my scene. At all.
This new friendship group is so complicated; and I thought I knew complicated. I can't even begin to get into it. And I can't do anything to help them! and I hate that. It's what I do, I have to help because it bugs me for the rest of my life if I don't-so many things are already going round my head its impossible. And through all this I'm an optimist.
It's frustrating to say the least.
Yet, there must be some balance system in place in this world. I'm so desperately happy at the same time. They've completely accepted me at work now; nothing is awkward with anyone and I have private jokes now. My new friends laugh when I'm with them. Family life is retaining some normality. I have everything I need.
Except the one I love. I've loved him for four years now, well minus two days but who's counting... except for me? And he turned me down yet I can't get over him. Even when I start liking someone else he's there in the back of my mind and I can't throw him aside like he threw me.
I guess we'll never know.