Chapter 41 (Vinnia)Mature


August 4th was steadily approaching.

On the days that led up to that dreadful August day, Vinnia always had nightmares. Nightmares about shattered glass. Nightmares about scarlet blood. Nightmares about losing Trace.

Nightmares about herself.

4:02 a.m. Nothing was working. Not even the sleeping pills that the Force doctor had prescribed were helping. As soon as the nightmare had happened, Vinnia had been unable to fall asleep.

Images that Vinnia had long tried to forget had filled her nightmare. But worst of all was the blood.

The blood always covered everything.

It was as though Vinnia's subconscious was trying to trigger her into walking right back into the snare of self-harm. After seeing rivulets of dark red stream down her arms in the middle of her ill dream, Vinnia lay awake, cursing herself and wishing she could just be normal. But then again, the Force had never specialized in normal.

The window of Vinnia's bedroom was open, and through it blew the nightly winds. Unlike most of the Force, Vinnia had always had an affinity for the dark and the melancholy. The eerie stillness of the night suited her just fine.

4:15. And still not a wink of sleep.

4:16. 4:17. 4:18. Vinnia wondered if her heart would ever stop racing. She needed a cool drink of water. She needed an overdose of sleeping pills. She needed some calming music.

To blazes with it all! A razor's what I need!

"No, Vinnia," Vinnia spoke aloud to herself, shivering for no apparent reason. "You can't do that, Vinnia. That's bad, Vinnia. It'll ruin you, Vinnia." Somehow, speaking in third person helped to drive the point home. "Go to sleep, Vinnia."

It was a good thing the microphones in Vinnia's room had been disabled. Otherwise, the Force would be having a good laugh over her at that particular moment.

Curse them! Curse them all!

"No, Vinnia. That's not a good thing to say, Vinnia. Keep your head on straight, Vinnia." Just shrivel up and die, Vinnia.

In any case, things were better than they had once been. Quinn wasn't sleeping beside Vinnia; that was always a plus. And the once-bright scars on Vinnia's arms were fading. That was nice. Well, sort of. It was bad in the sense that Vinnia couldn't feel pain by rubbing her arms anymore. 

Maybe that was good.

"You need to go to sleep now, Vinnia."

An owl hooted outside the window. Because she had absolutely nothing else to do, Vinnia got up and slammed the window shut. Satisfied with the destructive sound it made, Vinnia opened the window and then slammed it shut again. And again. For some reason, the act relieved her, especially when she heard the sound of someone yelling "Keep it down!" in the room next to her.

Vinnia slammed the window again, just for good measure.

"You're going crazy, Vinnia." Not like it had ever been any secret. Slightly relieved, Vinnia slid back under the covers.

"It's time to go to sleep, Vinnia."

The End

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