The Worst Story in the World

This is just an attempt, spurred by boredom, to make the worst story I can think of in 30 minutes. It is intentionally bad, not in terms of grammar, but in story and characterization and setting.

COMPLETELY RANDOM. Don't expect sanity.

John Smith was just an ordinary man living in an ordinary house in an ordinary street. Except that he wasn't! John woke up that morning and noticed that his alarm clock had not gone off. Indeed, it seemed that he did not have an alarm clock on his bedside table. Instead he had placed a banana, slightly peeled, in which he carved the words "wake me up at 7:46" with his penknife. "Aha!" said John. "The Spacemonkeys who haunt my dreams seem to be too smart for mere banana traps!".

Dejectedly, John walked down his steps to his hallway. It was lined with mirrors on either end so that each mirror reflected it's opposing neighbor, and created a loop. John had always wanted to catch an Eternity, because he figured it would sell for very much money, but he decided not to try today. He had spent hours waiting for an Eternity to show up, like a mouse to a slice of Edam, but had never sucessfully spotted one. "Besides", he thought "All the other fellows that I can see must be stealing my catches!"

And so, John entered his kitchen to eat his morning cereal. His face was aghast with horror. He had forgotten to pick up the newspaper the paperboy threw onto the lawn every morning. "How could I have forgotten!" he said! "The paperboy throws it onto the lawn every morning!". John opened the door and walked out onto his lawn. He smiled, the 3 foot deep holes that he was fond of were still there. However, the little man he was not fond of, wearing a pale green shirt with a silly metal hat ran over to him. "General!", the little man shouted. "You're not meant to be in the testing range! We're testing the Bomb today!".

John smiled and said "Little man, you're stepping in my holes", and went off to have breakfast.

The End

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