I always hated the saying, "The world is your oyster." I felt like it was making fun of me; it was teasing me because it wasn't.
I didn't meet the age requirements. I had the wrong timing. I lacked the degree. I was off key. My color choice was off. I wasn't revolutionary enough. I was too quiet. I was too loud. I was too childish. I wasn't acceptable the way I was.
I wasn't allowed to let the world be my oyster, because there was something wrong with me.
But thinking that meant I was even more wrong. I was wrong for pursuing something I obviously wasn't passionate enough about. I was wrong for letting it get to me. I was wrong for giving up.
But it was scary to try. Rejection on its own isn't pleasant, but when you feel life itself has become rejection, and that you just can't win, its a bit demotivating. Regardless, I was still wrong for not trying.
Needless to say trying to take the world by its reins because it fueled by self hatred. Creating goals for myself led to self disappointment, so I stopped creating goals. At first I judged myself. I was giving up and turning numb.
But I wasn't. I was letting go of only the ending result, but I wasn't letting go of the process. I still tried, but I didn't have to be perfect.
That was the day I believed in myself. That was when my best was my best, and I wasn't wrong for trying. That was the day I met my requirements. I realized I was wonderful the way I was, because not being perfect is the best I can be, as long as I am ok with it.
Then the other day some old friend of the family patted me on the back and said she was proud I'd made the world my oyster, I'd taken control of my destiny. I turned to her and I told her that wasn't what I did. I would never be worthy to earn the right to control my circumstances, but I earned the right to love how I handled them. The world wasn't an oyster. It was my perception.
She smiled at me.
"Then you have made it your oyster. It is full of opportunity if you care to find it."