Just A Delusional Old ManMature

The rain pounded on the
windows with such powerful force that I became frightened, thinking that the
glass may shatter upon my head and cut me to pieces. Such being my thoughts as
a person with too much to fear and not enough to be stereotypically naïve with.
It was so much to bear in a day, so I say, just to think, for it was enough
just to keep the daily details in touch.


Oh, just listen to me,
rambling on and on again. I do this much too often, too much for my own good,
which never really existed in the first place. I’m a crazy old man, and this I
cannot deny. In this house, a warm blanket and my wheelchair never move, for I
reside in both of these objects.


Permanently crippled is
what they told me, crushing any hopes of accomplishing life-long goals, though
I had none to speak of, except one, a special one, which brings itself to my
head as though the day came up again to haunt me and destroy the fragile


It was the man, not me, he
did it, I didn’t, they didn’t talk straight! The facts were all jumbled up and
thrown upon a gold plate to make them look presentable. None of it would have
happened if that idiotic, completely senseless abomination hadn’t stepped
towards me that fateful day, one with such a permanent place in my head so I
could never dismiss it.


My old age didn’t hinder
my memory, no, it didn’t do that at all, it increased its dependability,
allowed me to see so much more clearly than previously. The one thing the age
brought was my desire to talk more, share it, gloat about it, for it was indeed
something to be proud of, amazing, my work, all of it, mine! That’s why I hope
that whoever finds this tape recording, which I have cleverly hidden in the
basement… why am I telling you that, you already would have found it, oh it’s
that distrustful feeling again!


Well, you found it,
congratulations, here’s me now, my time, so I hope you’re listening, because
this will only repeat itself once, want to know why, I rigged I that why. I’m
crafty, a craft old fellow, but this doesn’t deteriorate my sanity, maybe it
does… hmph. It takes a while to get myself in the mood, in the mindset, so
maybe we’ll have to wait a minute.


No, scratch that, I have
no time, so get your ears unclogged and turn the volume up as high as you can
for this. I committed a crime if you hadn’t assumed that yet, it was obvious,
so that should be nothing new. Murder, as usual, for it’s always the crazy ones
running around with knives, right, they’re never sane! I don’t think I’m an
exception, but that remains to be seen, oh, but you can see me!


Close your eyes, don’t
open them, you opened them, close them! Alright, now open them up, look around,
hey, you just went back in the past to just yesterday, wasn’t that a jump? I
don’t know what year it is, I lose track so easily, so you’ll have to figure
that part out for yourself, my apologies.


He walked down the street
one day, such a simple action, but something about it irked me. I still cannot
seem to configure the reason, but it must have been the way he walked, and what
he represented. He had a briefcase, an expensive suit, and he was coming to me.


A little backstory might
be needed, maybe, you’ll find this useful I bet, so don’t fall asleep or get
bored yet, not yet. Here we are, now, you see, I am old as you say. I retired
earlier than most, damn my bad back for ruining my chances at working in the
good old factories as I usual did.


You know, it’s a cutthroat
economy… hey, it must be 2012, look at me figuring that out for myself, maybe
I’m smarter than I had thought. Anyways, I got off-track, derailed, we’re back
again though. Cutthroat economy, one chance, that’s what it was. It got more
and more difficult over the years to get back in the fray, especially with a
disability like the one I obtained for whatever reason, I still don’t know,
that’s not fair now is it?


So, the job I had was
lost, and I was by myself, lost my wife to cancer just the year before.
Retirement was my only option, but it soon became the worst one I had at my
disposal, but I only had one, keep that in mind, there was no other route, no
branch, no pathway. One without a job like me, in my age, in my lifetime, in my
line of work, often does not have money, at least not much.


It was a gamble without a
shadow of a doubt, though there was maybe a shining light in there too, of
hope, perseverance, but oh well. The cash didn’t keep for long, the tax people
jumped down my throat I had no chance to retaliate, and the money had
disappeared on some days when I needed it the most.


A few tax collections
could destroy a man so easily, so was my case, and I despised how the world
worked not in my favor, never was, never is. I swear the money owed was more
after every year, I held them off for a while, but I didn’t last long, the money
had to be given up, though of course it’s not like our wonderful president will
spend it on anything useful right?


Who am I to complain, it
happened, shut up about, talking to myself again, there I go, such a lost, poor
old man. Lost in mind is what I implied, whatever, the money left, but
naturally the taxes kept piling up. It didn’t take long, just like it didn’t
take long for the money to go, for the threats to roll in and bury me inside of


It was their job to
enforce taxpaying, but it didn’t held an old man that had no money to go
around, no, instead it destroyed his life and made him vulnerable to everything
awful in the world. Try as I may, I couldn’t get any cash to hand out to those
obnoxious idiots. I hate them, hate them all, they were heartless, never
understood, never, never,never, so many nevers, never understood! They simple
walked out with their heartless bodies to go do their heartless duties like one
without any feeling, they didn’t have a heart, so that’s what happened, all of
these horrible things, just to me I think, why me?


So the man was coming,
wasn’t that a charming backstory, now you should be able to see through my eyes
as I recall the actions I took just yesterday, you should know now, now you do.
He walked, walked, it took an eternity for his fake solemn expression to show
up on my doorstep, his suit smelling like it had just been freshly cleaned. He
had an ugly face, like an ogre, but I don’t look that handsome either, old age
killed that, this one was younger than me, did he know how to respect your
elders, I think not!


The knock rang through the
house, not once, but ten times, the impatient man was trying to get this over
with I could tell, and it made me hate him so much more. I knew what he was
here for, as I had gotten plenty of notices, too many, they buried me, agitated
me, suffocating my life away.


For years I had lived in
this house, the bright-red bricks now covered with moss, the looming oak trees,
and these people had the audacity to threaten to evict me! That’s what it was,
piles of papers that said they would throw me out of my own fortress of
solitude, the place that I call home. It was as if you were asking a turtle to
throw away its shell, crazy, not me, they are, I get it now. They were crazy
and made me think I was becoming insane! It was all a big trick on me so the
police could get on my case and attempt to break me apart.


There was no smile, he
walked in so purposefully I already wanted to strangle him on-the-spot, he was
so annoying, symbolizing all of the arrogant people with all the money, all of
it, never once giving it, no, hoarding it all. He came in, and the first thing
he said burned into my very soul, right into it, shredding it.


“Well mister, you know
exactly what I came here for, so we shall make it quick and simple”. His first
words! The rat had the bravery to say such things, he had no respect for
anybody except himself, and he shouldn’t be allowed treating people so harshly.


“Sir, I think I know damn
well why you’re here, and you’re going to leave here faster than you came” was
my response. I wished the man to be gone, and he had only just arrived, first
impressions really counted for this one, who obviously didn’t seem to mind
royally pissing me off.


He wasn’t backing down,
no, he didn’t want to, and instead followed up by saying “I’m here to evict you
mister, so cooperation is very key if you wish to have this go smoothly and
without pain”. He held out an envelope, a large one, and gestured to it with a
finger, he had manicured nails, what a money-hoarder, you could tell by looking
at him, and no need to look twice, you could tell right away.


“If you have the money,
please drop it off in this envelope. If not, then I will have to ask you to
leave. If not, I will force you to leave. You have my word on it”. Oh, what
nerve! I so desperately desired to teach this man a lesson he would never, ever
forget, and so I began to formulate a plan, a wonderful one, one that would be


I would reason with him
first, then I would get to what I worked in my mind, that cunning strategy to
get this man away, far away. “I believe I have explained to you before that I
am not going to leave my own house. You’ll have to blow it up from under my own
two feet”.


“Unfortunately, that’s
what we may have to resort to if necessary”. Did he honestly say that, to me,
to my very own face, he would kill me, destroy me, and he displayed no
expression of disliking this fact, almost as if he was quite glad to know he
would be obliterating me.


I smiled, let the man
think he won, the first step, give him false comfort, that was all it took. “Well
fine, the money’s back here on the dining room table. I give up… no more need
for those nasty little threats of yours, mister tax collector”.


He was triumphant, glowing,
thinking he was so brilliant, so high and mighty, but he wasn’t as stupid as I
thought, no, he refused. “Sir, I’d rather you just bring the money to me and
deposit it” he repeated himself, thrusting the envelope forward. “You could
always go do it yourself too”.


I sighed, trying to make
him annoyed, to join me, it seemed to be his weakness, that was a guess, but I
seemed to be right, so smart, oh I’m so smart. “You just forced me out of my
home. The least you can do is take the goddamn money”.


My use of curse words
discouraged him and also seemingly disgusted him, good for me, it was amusing,
enjoyable, so I took it all in. However, he agreed, finally, eventually, if he
didn’t I would have gotten him anyway, you know this because you know me,
because you’re listening right now, unless you unfortunately fell asleep, in
which case I must tell you to wake up!


“Well… I guess. There
isn’t much of a problem with it. It will be my pleasure”. I could hear the acid
dripping off of his words, he was trying to piss me off, thinking he was
victorious and gloating about it already, what a fool! If only he knew, maybe
he would be alive today, but that was fate, fate directed him to his timely
death, and it was all coordinated mainly by me, all me, ha!


I led him back into the
kitchen, which was next to the dining room, so it settled him down if he
thought I was going to assault him. Oh, but that was my technique, false
comfort, as I explained. It works so well, amazingly well, it’s great.


I pointed over to the
dining room table, of course there was no money on it, I was broke, I told you
this, but anyways he did not know this. I stealthily walked back, into the
shadows, blending in so well like a silhouette, and a very sharp-looking knife
presented itself to me, looking so attractive and deadly, so I picked it up and
clumsily attempted to hide it behind my back to try and conceal it for as long
as I could.


I’m still crazy to you at
this point, aren’t I, just an insane old man going around murdering everybody
he sees, but no. Do you know the feeling of being on your last legs, your last
reserves of strength, when there’s nowhere else to go, nothing else to do? I
know that feeling, I experienced it, it was awful, and it still appears to me
and explodes my interior and exterior so nothing is left. When you have nothing
to do, you invent something to do, find a ridiculous and often crazy way, and
so I did, and if that meant killing a tax official, so be it! This was my life,
my house, and these people had no sympathy for a poor old man that had no money
because of a bad back, so heartless, too heartless for life to sustain!


He was realizing something
was wrong all too late, I was right behind him, the action seemingly to simple
in my mind, but I was halted for some reason. “Mister, I can’t seem to find the
money-“ He turned around, saw the knife over my head, avoided the swing, and
was out the back door.


“Oh, well this is great” I
muttered to myself, talking to myself, cursing my bad luck of now being able to
bring down the weapon, and now a price would be paid, much to large of a price
to be sure. I had only one choice, to chase him, but I was much too slow.


How had he moved so fast,
from leaning over the table to leaping out the back door, how did that
transition happen exactly? It just didn’t add up in my head, but looking over
the situation instead of moving forward to fix it wouldn’t help me either. I
kicked the door open and looked around for the man.


This day was full of
surprises, all of them unpleasant, nothing working well, and this didn’t help.
The man didn’t go far. He was right outside to my right, a small revolver in
his hand that would blow a hole in my side and certainly give him a clean
getaway. He thought he was such a hero, didn’t he, staying back to fight,
making himself so high and mighty. A normal man would run, should run, too
crazy of a man for a fight, such a mean old paranoid man, hmm?


His hands were shaking so
madly that when the shot come off it missed by an inch or two, oh he was
pathetic now, such a hero, but didn’t pull the trigger, hesitation. It was
point-blank range and he missed, so, so, so pathetic, very, very stupid silly
man. He would pay the price, not me, things were working out now.


Previously I thought death
was right there in front of me, but now I had a new thought, a new hope of
winning, the battle was still going, and it was my time now, mine! The knife
came down, but he dodged it again. I cursed loudly, so loudly, the world must
have heard it, unless they’re as bad as me, they ignored it, how would I know?


The revolver was aimed
again, pointed at me, and death had me pinned down again. Trouble, oh so much
trouble I was in, oh dearie me! I wasn’t a giver-upper, I fought, so I fought,
I charged that man, ran at him. His arms were flailing, a shot was fired, and
we both paused to see where it could have gone.


A gas grill was stationed
by the back door, a very old grill, it served me well, but now I realized that
something was very, oh so very wrong with it. A bullet had punctured the place
where the gas was, I heard a fizzing sort of sound, and without thinking I ran
as fast as I could, the man right beside me.


The grill was ready to
blow, this I knew, so did the man, we were sweating as we figured this out,
worried, scared, but we hadn’t moved from out spot much yet, and I couldn’t let
the man get away. There was maybe a second, the smallest second left to dispose
of him before he was gone back to his stupid agency and telling his stupid
friends to come after the poor old man that I was and still am. I don’t want to
be a bore, I’m sure you’ll love explosions, I bet you do, I’m sure, so let’s
jump to the awesome parts, the thrills, onward!


The man was younger than
me, but that didn’t mean his strength surpassed me, I worked in a factory, I
had the power! I lifted the man up, he was struggling so desperately, he knew
what I was going to do, so I got him off of my hands as quickly as I could.


I tossed him towards the
grill, his eyes wide-open in terror as he accepted his fate. A dash behind some
cover was my futile attempt to save myself from damage. A large booming sound
was emitted from around the corner, and a shockwave sent me into a nearby
fence. An arm that was sent sailing into the air let me know that my foe had
served much more severe injuries.


I hurt, my back hurt,
everything was hurting, and oh, look what I had done! I killed the man, I was
ready for that, but his death was so flashy, so loud, so obvious, that the
authorities would be in me so quickly, faster than me, too fast, so my mind had
to work faster.


It shut down though, shut
down completely, nothing was left, so I did nothing but hobble back inside. I
was on my legs, you know that, but I felt so pathetic, so down on my luck, that
I was out of options, even the ridiculous ones I could make up randomly and on
my feet.


My house was intact
mainly, some of it was broken open, but it didn’t matter now, nothing mattered.
I was losing my house, the residence I loved so much, there was no avoiding
that. I treasured it, acknowledged it as my own personal castle, but it
couldn’t help me now, the police would be crawling, and I couldn’t outrun them,
no, there was no way.


The back door was history,
ancient history, sent back to when the cavemen were throwing rocks around, saving
me the small inconvenience of having to open it up, oh well, it wouldn’t have
mattered. I would tell you about the part where I hid the tape you are now
listening to, but then I’d sound stupid, even more paranoid, more crazy, and I
don’t want first impressions to hurt you, no, because you’ll never see me!


One particular couch was
where I laid most times, and I laid there now, not a care in the world. Around
this time is when I hid the tape, if memory serves me correct, short term
memory loss and such, I suffer from it. The tape was made soon enough, this
sounds weird, since I’m recording myself now, aren’t I such a queer individual,
so insane, oh that’s me!


The man wouldn’t trouble
me anymore, but he’d trouble himself on how I blew him to hell, that poor old
man brought him to his demise, so appropriate, such an appropriate death,
wouldn’t you say, oh you can’t talk, I almost forgot. Anyways, this couch, I
was there, sitting there, and it was raining, and it was around her I think the
rain rolled in.


I can’t record with all of
this thunder, oh so disturbing, breaking the peace, I’m turning this off. Enjoy
yourself? Was the ending too quick? Well, I have a schedule you know, insane
people have an agenda, so deal with it, or you should have never listened, you
know that?

Listening was your biggest
mistake, I have poisoned you mind now, destroyed it. You’ll be like me now,
insane, no senses… insane… delusional. Just like me… just like me. Just… like…
me. Hahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!

The End

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