Two For One

Sly looked under the bar and began grabbing glasses for everyone when he noticed the lighting in the pub change to a red neon glow. As he straightened up the remaining band members began to play You Can Leave Your Hat On with surprising talent.

"Hey, this isn't flagged as mature!" Sly yelled at no one in particular. He watched in disbelief as a pole rose slowly from the floor in front of the mysteriously improved band. "And a strip club is not a pub!"

"I don't think I'm old enough to be in here," Archi whispered as she eyed the exit. She turned to look at Sly to make sure he hadn't seen through her disguise and gasped.

Sly looked at her, then looked down at himself to find that he had been turned into a buxom bartender in a short skirt and a tight shirt with a plunging neckline.

"I'm... having trouble being upset about this," he said quietly as he tested out his new bouncing beauties.

"Me either!" MacKenzie said a bit too eagerly for Sly's comfort. "Who's responsible for this lovely change of scenery?"

Right on cue, two figures entered the club; one was average height, his face obscured by a black hooded sweatshirt, the other was short and... well, hideously ugly.

"Don't start with me you tosser!" the little one whined.

"No dwarves in here, house rules," Sly told the two newcomers.

"I'm not a dwarf! I will cut you!"

"Joe, please," the hooded man said.

"Joe, hey? And what's your name then lad?" MacKenzie asked.

"I am known by many names," the man replied solemnly. "No man knows my true name, no woman can know my nature, I..."

"His name is Eloosive and he's a total wanker!" Joe interrupted very, very rudely.

"Joe, go play with Davy and leave the big boys to their drinks and ladies, alright?" Eloosive said sternly.

"Davy is here? Don't you lie to me about this, I will cut you!"

"He's right through that door Joe - run along now."

Joe scrambled over to the door at the far end of the bar and disappeared through it, slamming it shut behind him.

"That's odd," Sly said. "That was a broom closet a minute ago."

"It still is," Eloosive told him as he slid onto the nearest stool, "I just removed the inside door knob. And sound proofed it."

"Won't he starve to death in there?" MacKenzie asked, perking up at the possibility of making an arrest.

"Oh, he'll find his way out of there - he always does," Eloosive sighed and turned to Sly. "Rum and coke on the rocks, and hold the coke."

The End

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