Letting go

Months of anger and pain, confusion and despair finally took its toll, my health started to decrease. I knew this because Anna had told me, she tells me everything, if it had not been for her, I would have given up long ago. She had also told me that Jimmy had survived and he was recovering, and he was recovering, but he was depressed - he blamed himself for my condition. I was glad to hear that he was alright but upset that he was blaming himself, it was my fault, I was the one who jumped in after him. I wanted to comfort him, to talk to him. I just wished I could do things again, all the simple things in life that I, along with most people take for granted. Just stupid little things, like waking up in the morning, feeling the fresh breeze on my face as I walked outside, eating and drinking independently, even going to school, but the worst thing was - not being able to talk. It was so frustrating and demeaning. When - if - I get out I would definately respect life and alll of its aspects a whole lot more.

I soon began to feel useless - I mean I wasn't going to school, wasn't helping anyone, I was such a pain, everybody's life would be so much easier without me. It was a nuisance for my family to come and visit me. They all could be doing something useful with they're time.

My health was rapidly declining; I had let go - stopped fighting. There was no point of me living. My family would miss me, well... at least I hope they would. Eventually though they'll forget me, their lives would adapt. Even though all these negative thoughts were running through my head, my body just wouldn't let go.

The doctors were really disappointed with my progress, they told my parents, and Anna, that if my health kept declining like it has been - then I would only have about a week left to live. So, Anna came into my room one day, sat by my side and said, begged, "please, please, please get better. Jimmy is so depressed; I'm not sure what he'll do. His parents are forcing him to get counselling."

This scared me quite a bit; I knew that he was upset but to think he was that bad. Jimmy was probably the only reason I would strive to get better. Anna knew this though, so I was almost sure she was exagerating, but how do I know - I can't visit him or ask anybody about it. Anna sat with me until visiting hours were over, then she kissed me on the forehead - like she always does, and turned away, like she didn't have a care in the world.

As I detached my mind from the world, I began thinking of what would happen to me. Whether I would survive or not, and if I did would my life ever be the same, could I ever move on and forget this traumatic experience. As my confidence increased and I began to believe in myself again, and I thought something something might actually go right for me. That, of course, was when everything went wrong and the whole world crashed down around me.

The End

16 comments about this story Feed