Confusion

There was a blinding white light; it felt like it burnt my eyes out of their sockets. To start with, my hearing was just really fuzzy. Gradually though my senses regained some control. I knew people were around me, doctors mainly,, but I swore I heard my granddad, but that's not possible because my granddad passed away last year. I was going crazy, surely I couldn't survive this. They were all rushing around they were tiresome and confusing noises that I could hear, but not understand. I wanted to scream, cry, laugh, anything. Absolutely anything would be better than this strange confusing silence.

After what seemed a lifetime, but was probably only a few days, I was bored out of my mind; I can't connect with the outside world, so I turned inside myself. That was the best thing I got out of my situation, I learnt so much about my own personality that I've never realised before.

Now as my health has stabilised my family come to visit me nearly every day. My mum's visits are the worst, she can't help crying. It makes me upset that I can't talk to her or hug her, it was my fault she was feeling so sad. My dad's visits are somewhat enjoyable; he tells me jokes and the latest football results. The best visitor though is my sister, Anna,, she is nearly ten years older than me, and she just talks to me normally, everyone else treats me so cautiously, as if one bad thing and i'll break. She also tells me the truth, like the possibility that I might not survive. She told me that the doctors said if she explains what has happened to me, it might help. So she came in one day and described the accident and how I had courageously but stupidly jumped in the river to save Jimmy. I can't remember any of it, and the  whole story just makes me even more confused. She tells me this might happen, that I wouldn't rememberit, but she says that is all right. This does make me feel a lot better. Anna had to go home so she kissed my forehead and simply said "you'll get better." Then she left.

The doctors did one last check and left my room, the darkness had never felt so lonely. I began playing back the story Anna had told me, bits began to come back to me. I remembered the waterfall, Jimmy, the massive rocks but most of all the icy blackness of the river. I wondered how Jimmy was. There were so many questions and no voice to ask them. Was he hurt? Did he survive? Had I let go of him? Was he still out there? It was so frustrating not knowing anything, waiting for someone to tell me what I wanted to know, instead of being able to ask.

About a fornight later, I had made no progress so the doctors told my parents that they should start thinking of the possibilty of switching my life support off. Which - I have to say, surprised me a bit! I suddenly had become aware of how serious condition was. I was scared, I could've coped with dying in the cold ruthless waters, but knowing that my parents were going to make the decision whether I live or die, was the worst feeling I could ever imagine. In my head I'm screaming at them not to do it, no matter how hard I tried the words just wouldn't come out. After hearing that terrible news I was using all the strength left in me to try and get healthy. I couldn't let go, I needed to know how Jimmy was. 

The End

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