Titus' Meat Tenderizer


Brought to you from the steady and deadly hand of Titus Andronicus, a new meat tenderizer for all your revenge or cooking desires.  We’ve been serving you since 1564 with the best in torture, murder, and consumption of your enemies and then, of course, their corpses.  Although our products (and habits) are not yet FDA approved the General of Rome approves it and so do we! 

Inspired by his own epic bloodbath Titus has inscribed the following into each Meat Tenderizer handle to guarantee authenticity: “14 killings, 6 severed members, 1 rape, 1 live burial, 1 case of insanity and 1 of cannibalism… that’s home cookin’!”




This product may cause bloodlust, decapitation or headaches.

The End

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